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Teen Poetry #6
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I Was Your Waste Of Time
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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I Was Your Waste Of Time |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
My words come out, all premature. I'm always feeling, so unsure. I really seem, like I'm thirteen w h e n i ' m w i t h y o u -- My heart is broken, yes it's craking, my mind is numb and it is slacking. Pain will not subside- how can i decide, w i t h t h i s n o t h i n g -- But you dont seem to care anymore do you? And you dont seem to dare anymore do you? -- You can just get up and leave. I will stare in disbelief. AFTER EVERY lie you told THERE IS STILL MORE to unfold. -- Why am i still standing here? I'm just waiting to disappear. Cause I know you can forget. But I'll still see your silhouette. -- Quit Haunting Me What Is That You're Saying? I Can Hear You Whispering: "He falsificado ustedes" "Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sara Nicole - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Susie Junior Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 36Illinois |
i really liked that one!i always like it when people mix in another language it makes it extra great!wut language was that and wut does it mean~i liked it alot! |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Aww so sad Sara. BOARDERLINE! Over the hill? HEHE Good job man!  *Allison* "I`ll be your crying shoulder |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Susie- Hey, thanks! "He falsificado ustedes" is Spanish and means "I have falsified you". Allison- It's not even borderline anymore ... he's way over! lol. Thanks to you too!! Bye bye! ~xXsaraXx~ "Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind. Dreams are bad when negativity's a state of mind." -silverchair- [This message has been edited by PoeticGoddessOfDepression (02-07-2003 04:47 PM).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Some men need not to take up our precious oxygen. Relationships can be rough. Great job though, the only suggestion is to review the spelling, there was a word or two that distracted the flow. Wonderful job Jenn "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
Wow I really really really like that. My only suggestion is to revise some of the places where you started a new line, for example: "I will stare in disbelief." seemed like it could have been "I will stare In disbelief" Wow I feel stupid because those are such little things but that and the rhyme with the silhouette seem like they could have been put together better, but it really doesn't matter that much. I really like this poem and especially the end, it would have been good in english too but using the other language really added something. nice work. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wowie, i loved this one. its goin in my library. thanks for sharing. If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, this was awesome!! sara, i need a shoulder to cry on. they ran out of the 50 cent cd!!! LoL this was sooooooo great, go sara its ur birthday... LoL sry i had to this was tres bien(?!?) ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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