Truth Eludes Me - pipTalk Forums

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Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

0 posted 2003-01-28 02:41 PM

I close my eyes
and try to feel.
I just don't get it
and the truth eludes me.

Shining stars and
swift, cool breezes.
Your hands so warm,
I love you.

Sometimes all I see-
snapshots of us
enveloped in blankets,
a soft sea of pillows.

A new day wakens,
now so disconnected.
Euphoria left
unexplained.

One day a diamond
might reside on this finger.
Through all the fog,
will I then see you?

Cloudy and hazy,
yet teary and breathless.
I just don't get it
and the truth eludes me.

"I keep looking, looking for something more." Sara Evans

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-01-28 07:03 PM

I love the title.
I think we all feel like this at one point in our lifes. Great piece.
~Lexy

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2003-01-29 07:45 AM

Jenn, this is a beautifully written and profoundly moving. It's evident that you're experiencing a lot of pain and it's good to see you can convey those emotions so well into a piece such as this.

Sometimes all I see-
snapshots of us
enveloped in blankets,
a soft sea of pillows.

The imagery in that is fantastic. Take care of yourself, though - ok?

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2003-01-29 11:29 AM

What more can I add to what Lizzy has already said?, this is beautiful and extremely well written. The lines I really wanted to pick out were the last stanza,

quote:
Cloudy and hazy,
yet teary and breathless.
I just don't get it
and the truth eludes me.

but the signature of the poem, i.e. that last two lines were what really struck me as making the poem, their repetition was effective and you managed to control the urge that some poets have of using repetition until the line becomes stale and boring, which in turn adds nothing to the peice. All in all, a great read. Keep up the good work

Andrew

My Violent Bedtime Stories

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2003-01-29 06:44 PM

"Through all the fog,
will I then see you?"

Is this fog symbolistic (sp) or a veil? Just curious.

I enjoyed the poem greatly; like was said, I was quite moving, and twas evident you're going through or have gone through a tumultious time.

My favorite aspect of the poem is your ability to 'smoothly' connect the ending and beginning. That isn't always the easist thing to do, and I appluad you for it.

I must admit, the meter at times, to me, seemed to stumble. But nothing that neccessarily takes away from the poem, you know? Just somethings I would change, is all.

My favorite line is thus: "and the truth eludes me."

~Titus

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (01-29-2003 06:45 PM).]

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