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Teen Poetry #6

Barbed wire

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

0 posted 2003-01-25 12:35 PM

Be gentle. This one has been my pet for a while. I've just now decided that it's ready to be seen.
~*~

Does the barbed wire bother you?
I thought it matched my scars,
had some harmony with my tears
and blended well behind these bars,
which were ours,
like the stars
in your bruised blue eyes.

Lift them to a scar-black sky.
Yes, that was the reason why
I found I could laugh
louder than you can cry.

If you knew me, you wouldn't ask me to smile,
masquerading in this tattered disguise,
hiding the weakness you always despised
and propped up with puppet strings all the while.

But remember, I'm only your child,
wayward ward, and running wild,
not to be structured into your denial.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-01-25 12:57 PM

"I found I could laugh
louder than you can cry."

Great line. I like the whole idea... it's a little confusing what the point is but it kind of lets the reader *me in this case* fit it to whatever situation I'm in with any remote similarity. It was really good and mighty cool! Keep it up!

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-01-25 04:01 PM

This is an awesome poem!!! It flowed wonderfully. I relate to this one, I LOVE it!
Great Job!! I couldn't pick a favorite line,
but I like the one OtherSide mentioned.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

3 posted 2003-01-25 06:07 PM

Nice imagery here. I like the comparison between barbed wire and emotions. Nice one.
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

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