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OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

0 posted 2003-01-25 10:39 AM

new new new and hot off the... uh... page. Well anyway I'm not big on repitition but this uses the same three words... Tell me what ya think!!!

From ice cold eyes
Flows water blue
These icicles
I've cried for you
And I wonder if
You're crying, too.

So frosted are my eyes
I see only a figment of you
Everything's faded
Everything's blue
And I wonder if
You see me, too.

So cold beneath these lids of mine
Are dreams of being close to you
But the lighter shades begin to fade
And all turns to darker blue...
I wonder if
I've lost you.

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

1 posted 2003-01-25 10:52 AM

great poem. i felt i could really relate. plus the imagery was very cool.

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

2 posted 2003-01-25 11:46 AM

I really love the first stanza. The second was so-so. It didn't seem to live up to the standard of the first. But the last stanza was better again.

But the lighter shades begin to fade
And all turns to darker blue...

Beautiful.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-01-25 04:05 PM

WOW! This is soooo great!! I think this just could be my favorite of yours! I wouldn't be able to pick a favorite line but I really liked, "These icicles I've cried for you."
I LOVE this!
Wonderful job!!
(hot off the page, and straight into my library.

)

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

4 posted 2003-02-05 02:14 AM

I'm a little late but I liked this. Good write. I'm not sure if I understand the second stanza much because you say your vision is faded and you see only a figment. Then you ask if he sees you too. I'm wondering if you meant if he sees a faded figment of you or if you meant if he sees the real you. Anyway, this was still a good write. Catch ya later.

ex animo,
Aaron

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2003-02-05 04:49 PM

OtherSideOfTheMirror:

This is most likely the first poem I've read by you, and so far, a very good first impression. ^^

Really, the flow of this was like water in a...flowy situation. XD Okay, bad example. My brain is fried. But nonetheless, I liked how the lines got steadily longer as the poem progressed. You started off with short sentences, and then longer ones in the second stanza, and then even longer ones in the third. Found that quite cool. ^^
But then you went back to the short lines at the end. AHHH! *cough* *ahem* Just the whole format that you wrote this in has its own meaning. Wow.

Great work here! Keep it up!

Fried Fly in a Pie,
Leah

Victoria7
Junior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 21

6 posted 2003-02-08 12:39 PM

i loved your first stanza!

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