navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » When You Walked Into My Life
Teen Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic When You Walked Into My Life Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Susie
Junior Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 36
Illinois

0 posted 2003-01-24 08:39 AM



I wasn't fat
Until you pinched my stomach,
I wan't ugly
Til you looked away.
I wasn't useless
Til you cheated on me,
It's your fault
That I feel this way.
I've always been okay
with the way I look and act,
Until you stepped into my life
And got me feeling otherwise.
Now I'm carrying a mirror
With me everywhere.
I'm watching my weight
And all that I eat.
I'm doing thigs I wouldn't
Just so I'm the only one.
Because now I'm noone;
So much less than I used to be.
I used to not worry
Until I met you.
Now I can't stop,
I'm thinkin of what you're gonna do.
Would you break up with me
Because I'm not perfect for you?
Would you keep me
If I were someone new?
Now I'm fat
And now I'm ugly,
Now I'm useless
Now that you met me.

© Copyright 2003 Susie - All Rights Reserved
Darkness
Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.
1 posted 2003-01-24 09:27 AM


That sucks if that happened to you. I like how the poem went full circle. It did make me think that it is true, we are not self aware until someone rudely points it out to us.

Great write!
Darkness

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2003-01-24 10:24 AM


Oh dear...

Although you didn't ask for advice, I'm going to give it to you anyway. For your own health I'd recommend that you get rid of this person as quickly as possible. For obvious reasons this person isn't good for you.

As for the piece, it was heartfelt and demonstrated your emotions fairly clearly. I hope things improve for you soon.

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

barbaraj
Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada
3 posted 2003-01-24 09:14 PM


great poem. i can relate plus i have a friend going through this. maybe i should have her read your poem. it flowed well and began/ended strongly.
PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
4 posted 2003-01-24 09:23 PM


What Af said.... I can't really put it any better.

~Titus

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
                 --Aldous Huxley

Susie
Junior Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 36
Illinois
5 posted 2003-01-27 08:19 AM


thank you for your replies and advice but i have 2 tell u that im not with that guy anymore and when i was with him i didnt realize how horrible our relationship was but now i wrote that poem from the perspective of how i felt when i was still with him but thanx neways!
*Belabebeautiful*
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
6 posted 2003-01-27 11:02 PM


Very strong write! I agree with Darkness I like how the poem came around in a full circle. I think it's funny and kinda sad how we don't notice the little imperfections until there is someone that points them out to us and then the fact that we start to care about those imperfections is amazing and quite silly I think...when you find the right person he/she will love you for you, Imperfections and all. There now that I'm done ranting..! Very good piece I really like it!

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » When You Walked Into My Life

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary