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Teen Poetry #6
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Among my dreams
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Among my dreams |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
It's been a while but here is a new one that I wrote last night tell me what you think Come, come walk with me here among my dreams dance beneath the silvery orb, across black velvet seas come, come walk with me walk among my dreams Come, come dance with me under the pale moonlight dance until the dawn comes and chased away the night come, come dance with me under pale moon light Come, come sing with me under the diamond sky sing the songs lovers sing songs of you and I come, come sing with me beneath the diamond sky Come, come lay with me before the day is new hold me gently in your arms whisper I love you's come, come lay with me before the day is new Come, come walk with me here among my dreams here we hide forbidden love and all our secret schemes come, come walk with me here among my dreams Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love) |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bella - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jaime
Registered
MemberPosts 250 |
It has an enchanting feel to it.. dreamscape.. the nice escape. - Jaime Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe. [This message has been edited by Jaime (01-23-2003 10:21 PM).] |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Hey thanks! I get kinda in a dream like trance at night, it causes my poetry to to come out like that! Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love) |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
I liked the repitition of the first couple of lines. But then it got annoying to read the same thing over and over again. It seemed too predictable. Technique aside, though, I liked the images. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
This was a great piece! It flowed perfectly, and the imagery was vivid. Great job! WinterWren |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
I disagree with Eromyna... I think the repitition worked well. In a lot of poetry I find it extremely annoying, even and especially my own... but this I think worked well. I really really like the enchanting part of this and the whole idea and wording was perfect. I say don't change a thing because this was extremely good. |
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