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Teen Poetry #6
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Falling Out Of Love
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Falling Out Of Love |
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leo_babe Junior Member
since 2003-01-22
Posts 13 |
I hope you like this poem...I wrote it as soon as I broke up with my boyfriend. When we first started going out he was completely sweet and caring, but I didn't really care for him as much as he did for me.Then I started to love him and it was great but as time went on he underwent an amazing personality change and was really nasty to me all the time. Then he came back to me asking me if I would be his "special friend" [u]Falling out of love[u] One minute it was true, You loved me, I wasn't sure about you. Months went on, I began to see, Just how great, You and I could be. I started to fall hard, You started acting, Like a retard. I cried, I wept, I lamented my loss, The power had shifted, I was no longer the boss. You said you wanted out, Said I had changed, Made me scream and shout. Then you wanted more than friendship, What did I do? I went along with it, It made me more confused than ever, About you. But why do you want me, As your special friend, Wouldn't you rather have me, As a girlfriend instead? But no, you don't like me in that way anymore, Called me a bitch, Showed me the door. I will not be played any longer, I will move on, I will be stronger. Feedback would be nice! Thanks  |
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wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa |
it was good it brought out real passion. In some places the rhyming seemed forced but i was god " I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking." |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Welcome To Passions!!! Well, for a first time post, this is great! The rhyme did seem a bit forced in areas, but as the saying goes, "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," I don't hold it against you (and I doubt anyone will), as I do it too. It was still a great poem, and for the first time, something I can't say I've been through, although a great deal of my female friends have/still are. I'm glad to see you decided to stick up for yourself. No girl should have to be played, unless they want to  . Well, later!*~Rich~* Too strong to give up, to weak to move on.... |
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WindSong Member
since 2002-12-23
Posts 313Long Island, New York |
Welcome my friend. Though, I don't know you...Anyway. Great poem. I liked it...Nice rhyme scheme. Very unique way of showing feelings...long and extremely to the point. Very poetic like...but then again, it is a poem! Great job! I like it alot! Keep it up! See ya! ~*~Kirah~*~ *Mistakes are made, you pay for them, then you do it again.* |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
This was an excellent first post! The title caught my eye. Im kinda going through something like that right now, except Im the one who's starting to care less, And I hate it soo much! I feel so horrible and rotten and evil! One minute I like him so much, the next I don't, then I do again! Im so confused!! *starts ripping hair out in agitation* You probably didn't need me dumping that whole load on you huh?? I think I'll go to the disscusion forums and dump it on someone else. so sorry bout that. I really liked your poem! WinterWren |
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leo_babe Junior Member
since 2003-01-22
Posts 13 |
Thank you so much guys! Ummm Winter...I completely can not tell you what to do...it's hard to know what you want sometimes ha? Thanks for your feedback on my poem you guys...I really enjoyed writing it...it was sort of my first bash at actually seriously writing a poem...I sat down with a pen and some paper and that's what came out of me! I don't think it's too bad for a first effort! |
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