Facades and Parades of a bigger man

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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2003-01-20 08:14 AM

Facades and Parades of a bigger man

Step up to the line
Stop saying it’s fine
It’s just another lie
It’s too hard to pretend
That this ain’t the end
So just break down and cry

And there’s no way to hide
The pain deep down inside
So bring it all to the fore
Then take the thorn from your heart
That sweet poisoned dart
And pick yourself off the floor

So forget all you’ve said
And that you heart’s dead
Just get on with your life
Read the notes that she wrote
With a lump in your throat
She could have been your wife

I know she ain’t mine
And things they ain’t fine
And I’m living a lie
Got to be the big man
And do all that I can
Not to break down and cry.

Andrew

No one knows what he can do till he tries.

Publius Syrus

[This message has been edited by Marshalzu (01-20-2003 08:27 AM).]

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

1 posted 2003-01-20 10:22 AM

oo i liked this. sad, but i liked it. the rhyming was well written. i liked the first stanza the most. thanks for the read.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-01-20 12:15 PM

Wow! I really really loved this one!! This was such a wonderful piece, and well written, Great Job!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

smurf_gurl
Junior Member

since 2003-01-20

Posts 19
US of A

3 posted 2003-01-20 09:46 PM

Step up to the line
Stop saying it’s fine
It’s just another lie
It’s too hard to pretend
That this ain’t the end
So just break down and cry

I like your rhyming. It's a feat I have problems achieving as of late. My muse, I believe, has crawled into a trashcan somewhere and died. But who knows? lol. Anyway, this first stanza is a wonderful start to a rather depressing poem.

And there’s no way to hide
The pain deep down inside
So bring it all to the fore
Then take the thorn from your heart
That sweet poisoned dart
And pick yourself off the floor

You managed to keep the same rhyme scheme, something I don't think I've been able to do since...well, a really long time ago. The wording is rather well done, it has no forced rhyming at all. Nice Job.

So forget all you’ve said
And that you heart’s dead
Just get on with your life
Read the notes that she wrote
With a lump in your throat
She could have been your wife

Hmm...make me cry, why dontcha?

I know she ain’t mine
And things they ain’t fine
And I’m living a lie
Got to be the big man
And do all that I can
Not to break down and cry.

It doesn't take a man to keep from crying...it takes a man to cry without worries or feeling your "manhood" is at stake for any reason whatsoever.

Overall, your complete lack of punctuation made the poem a very free one for the reader, and it's a style I particularly enjoy. I enjoy your work as a whole, Andrew, and look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Should you ever want to talk to me, add me on msn @ smurfgirl_03@hotmail.com
~Stace

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