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Teen Poetry #6
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peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-01-19 08:19 PM


I think this needs some more work, but please give me a few comments.

A red tear rolls onto my cheek ever so slowly,
I feel the cool wave of pain just flowing down,
It hits my lips and turns midnight black,
Then the tear subsides to the floor,
I see it turn into vibrant blue flames quick as the wind,
Finally poof the raging fire is gone,
And I feel another stinging pain filling my eyes.

~*~I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~*~

© Copyright 2003 Jessica Dodson - All Rights Reserved
foreverwithyou
Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204
Wonderland
1 posted 2003-01-19 08:59 PM


this was good i would paste my fave part but i liked it all very kewlish lol
    CATHY


"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

[This message has been edited by foreverwithyou (01-19-2003 09:00 PM).]

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
2 posted 2003-01-19 11:06 PM


I enjoyed your poem, espaically the red tears, keep writing
Regina

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
3 posted 2003-01-20 10:18 AM


this had very good imagery.i liked the second line the most. nice write.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
4 posted 2003-01-20 12:23 PM


This was a very descriptive poem. I liked it alot!! The only thing I could think that needs fixing is instead of saying, "..Poof the raging fire is gone." It could be without the poof, that kinda distracted me. Other than that I can see nothing wrong with it, it's very good. Well Done!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
5 posted 2003-01-20 04:14 PM


Thank you! I appreciate your comments. I think I might change that one part!~Jess

"Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed; it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding." -Nicholas Sparks

barbaraj
Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada
6 posted 2003-01-25 08:24 PM


great poem. very descriptive. i loved the imagery.

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...


Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
7 posted 2003-01-26 12:02 PM


Dude, that would be so cool to see! I really enjoyed reading this.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245

8 posted 2003-01-26 12:14 PM


Great imagery... just... good. very very good. I agree about losing the POOF! though i think that is a very cool word myself.
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