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Teen Poetry #6
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Jaime
Registered
Member
Posts 250


0 posted 2003-01-17 10:08 PM


Nothing causes me
Greater ill than that of
Nothing, nothing:

The cloud

I searched in your
America, I searched
In your novocain

Left a scar, but
The tip (time skip)
I could not find

Villain:nothing
This nothing, I have
No spies

My knight is lazy,
Fat and hairy –
The nothing he says
He will not fight

Nothing:nameless
The nothing –
Impaled us all

Nothing, the nothing –
Makes demons
Of us all

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

© Copyright 2003 Jaime - All Rights Reserved
punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
1 posted 2003-01-18 01:09 AM


wow girl this is awesome!
robin

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

PoetryIsLife
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
2 posted 2003-01-18 01:19 AM


Memina, this is by far one of your best pieces of poetry is some time. It's stunning (if a piece of poetry can be described as stunning? lol)... this would've been a knockout at the coffee lounge/bar thing.

I hope...

I hope a lot of things.


Daniel

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
                       -Socrates

PoetryIsLife
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
3 posted 2003-01-18 01:22 AM


By the way...

I see you finally took the time to upload a picture. A great cut/slip from another piece. You look great, memina.


Daniel

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
4 posted 2003-01-18 04:15 AM


OooOoO!!

This is superbly written, Jaime.

quote:
My knight is lazy,
Fat and hairy –
The nothing he says
He will not fight



I don't know why but this part struck me the most. I'm going to agree with Ti here and say that this is one of your best pieces. Nothing can be taken in so many contexts...

Once again, wonderful. I love it.

~AF~

Don't steal - the Government hates competition.

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York
5 posted 2003-01-18 01:21 PM


this is very sentimental and shows individuality good job good write
fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
6 posted 2003-01-20 06:13 PM


hmm...as always, your poems are confusing...yet understandable. hooray for contradictions! i don't know if i would say it's your best, but it's definetely not garbage.  i also enjoyed the fat lazy knight thing. that's about all i can think of, keep writing cuz i like your stuff.
-bergundy-

"crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio

Ephraim
Junior Member
since 2002-12-07
Posts 24

7 posted 2003-01-22 08:56 PM


Does this have polticial and social implications, Jaime? That's what I get from reading it. Reminds me of a certain female singer, the feel of the poem, but I can't bring her name to mind. Well written, well read, enjoyed.

Ephraim

wvplayernotreally
Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215
yakima wa
8 posted 2003-01-22 10:59 PM


"Nothing, the nothing –
Makes demons
Of us all"

good job i liked it alot

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

Jaime
Registered
Member
Posts 250

9 posted 2003-01-23 06:53 PM


Do you want it to be political or social?

Really, it's in your hands now.

Thanks for reading.

- Jaime

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

barbaraj
Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada
10 posted 2003-01-24 09:32 PM


great poem. nothing else i can say will do it justice
smurf_gurl
Junior Member
since 2003-01-20
Posts 19
US of A
11 posted 2003-01-26 12:45 PM


This is a wonderful poem, great job

there were a few parts I didn't understand, but I'm going to go read it again and see if I really am just a blonde with brown hair

great job though hun, look forward to reading more
~Stace

Boredom is killing me...
Boredom is killing...
Boredom is...
Boredom...
.....

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