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blakloks
Member

since 2002-06-01

Posts 60

0 posted 2003-01-17 09:12 PM

Walking in semi-darkness
The breeze is cool.
Watching activity
Through the picture framed windows
Wishing I could be there.

Wishing so hard
But it doesn’t come true.
Wanting so much
For it to be different
Knowing all along
I was this close.

Why?

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

1 posted 2003-01-18 01:18 AM

hmmm can you explain this one i don't understand it.
robin

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2003-01-18 02:28 PM

Reality and dreams, reality and wishes, desires. I'm not sure what reality spawned this poem, but you wrote a poem a lot of people can relate to, in differing ways. Well done.

My main thought was to 'what went wrong' is that it... seemed a bit short. I can tell (or so it seems) that you got all that you wanted in the poem in those, what, nine lines? But as a reader, it seemed to drop off, just was things were forming.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

3 posted 2003-01-18 07:21 PM

Lovely.

It's not overdone nor too vague. You said exactly what you wanted to say without a lot of extra bs. I liked the ending a lot. Especially "Knowing all along/I was this close". The questioning.. sometimes there are just no answers in the clear.

- Jaime

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

[This message has been edited by Jaime (01-18-2003 07:24 PM).]

blakloks
Member

since 2002-06-01

Posts 60

4 posted 2003-01-24 09:21 PM

thanks pple

well anyway, its like in life there so many things I didnt get because last year I was quite slack and not very attentive in class. So this year my parents have started to pile on the pressure. And one day I was outside the house walking in darkness, and seeing people inside the house. And I kind of linked it with the stuff I wanted so much but didnt get because the last half of last year I slacked and now I'm regretting so much.

I know for me, my cause of depression isnt very bad. But I'm sure there are others out there who feel that same way about worse things.

I'm so glad people like this, because its part of my portfolio for this writing camp that I really want to join, so its important I submit good pieces.

Thanks! I feel so much better now .

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