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Teen Poetry #6
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2003-01-12 12:34 PM


" Scared Lover "
(12/01/03)
© 2003 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

My bleeding eyes
Crying a river for you,
My broken heart
Can hardly pull itself through.
How can I begin to understand,
What is going on.
When I'm only a shell of a man,
When I'm not that strong.
My shattered dreams
Drowning in this cold sorrow,
My restless soul
Is nothing but a shadow.
Can feel your promise die in my arms,
Where you once took it.
When are you finished doing your harm,
Can't over look it.

I'm just a scared lover
Wanting one last cry,
To make life what it was.
I'm just a scared lover
Needing to know why,
Love hurts the way it does.

I fought a fight
With hard emotional fists,
I lost the fight
Our fading flame burned my wrists.
Began climbing a mountain too high,
I can't climb no more.
I don't want to but I got to try,
Get myself restored.
Unspoken words
Still wishper within my ears,
Unproved love
Still walking this line in fear.
Open up my heart so many times,
Scared it'll hurt again.
Misery is racing in my mind,
Will it ever end.

I'm just a scared lover
Wanting one last cry
To make life what it was
I'm just a scared lover
Needing to know why
Love hurts the way it does

© Copyright 2003 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245

1 posted 2003-01-14 07:11 PM


WOWWWW! Nice job in so many ways!  I like the metaphors you used it was awesome!!!

One suggestion- in the beginning you start some lines with "can" and "can't"... and it seems like it might require something else, like "I"... but thenagain that could just because I'm reading a song and I am strange that way.

NICE WORK!

-Other

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