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OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

0 posted 2003-01-11 11:29 PM

This wasn't made to rhyme and I'm not even sure it makes sense... it's not supposed to be violent or anything so don't freak out at the "watching myself bleed" because it's nothing like that.. it's figurative of knowing my own pain as someone watching outside of me... just so you know, because I know that's against the guidelines here and all.

Falling face first to fire
The longer I fell
I knew the blazes
Were existence of hell.
It's everything you dream
When you close your eyes it's what you see
I'ts what you hope to see when you open them
Lacking the will to make it real
Numb to the world surrounding
You're lucky you've forgotten how to feel
And forgiveness leads to darkness
I can't forgive myself in this light
Convincing myself to let go
Of the things that keep me breathing
Breaking so slowly, held together by one
Strand of hope that is him
Realizing he's nothing more
Than the one I imagine holding me
When I despise of the blood in my veins.
Losing him I lose the hold
And I realize that him I need
This pain watching myself bleed...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2003-01-12 01:13 AM

This is an excellent poem, maybe one of my favorites out of yours. Poetry doesn't always have to rhyme, mine rarely does. I really LOVED this poem! Especially the lines, "Lacking the will to make it real." And, "You're lucky you've forgotten how to feel." GREAT work, keep it up.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

2 posted 2003-01-13 04:09 PM

Thanks! It's really a bunch of random things that I thought of and decided to stick together... That's one thing I've learned- random quotes should be written down as soon as they come to mind.

ButterflyInReverse
New Member

since 2002-12-20

Posts 3

3 posted 2003-01-13 05:50 PM

hey...you can really feel the emotion coming through in this poem...nice write, thought it deserved to be bumped...soooooo
*BUMP*

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

4 posted 2003-01-13 08:27 PM

this was really good most of my poems rhyme cuz if they dont i feel strange but when i read ones that dont,i cant even notice it so even tho it didnt rhyme it still fit together nicely good job!
###CATHY###

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

5 posted 2003-01-13 10:44 PM

I liked this; as you say random thoughts should be written down straight away, however try not to shout them aloud.

You get some very strange looks and mothers drag their children away from you...

Really.

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

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