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Petey
Junior Member

since 2002-12-16

Posts 27
Idaho, USA

0 posted 2003-01-06 07:04 PM

Missed

What I miss?
Must of fell asleep this time.
What did I miss this time?
I don't know what I must find.
Feels like I'm falling behind.

Can't live my life like this.
Letting my true colors show.
Thought I'd just let it flow.
What hurt me most was what I didn't know.
Someone please let me know.
Before it's too late.
Where do I go
When I can't see straight?

I just wished that there wasn't something I missed.
When was it everyone was told this?
Didn't even know this knowledge to exist.
But what I didn't know is what hurt me the most.
What was it I missed?
-Petey

Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

1 posted 2003-01-06 07:12 PM

sorta hard to flow, but the emotions where definatly there...not my cup of tea but i did like it.

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

2 posted 2003-01-06 07:50 PM

I agree that it didn't flow very well, but you did very well get those emotions out! Pretty good!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-01-06 08:45 PM

Not all poems need to flow or rhym. I thought this was very good. I especially like the line "What hurt me most was what I didn't know." Well done!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

4 posted 2003-01-06 10:26 PM

It seemed choppy to me, or yes, it didn't flow. Try connecting a few of the sentences. Overall, though, the thoughts were good.

Kielo

I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing.

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

5 posted 2003-01-07 09:20 AM

I agree with the others that it didn't flow very well, but the emotions were definitely there. Keep writing!

-Jeanette-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2003-01-12 02:07 AM

Petey~
Definitely a very emotional and heartfelt write.
You've done a great job of expressing these emotions.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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