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*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

0 posted 2003-01-03 02:59 AM

Loneliness is the greatest pain
That one can ever feel
Some say it's imagined
Yet others know its real

Loneliness is the greatest pain
The heart can ever bear
When there is none to love you
When there is none to care

Loneliness is the greatest pain
When one is not needed
When you call out for compainionship
And your calls are unheeded

Loneliness is the greatest pain
I can tell you its true
Loneliness is when you love someone
And they do not love you

Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love)
~Bella~

[This message has been edited by *Belabebeautiful* (01-03-2003 06:13 PM).]

Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

1 posted 2003-01-03 04:19 AM

Yes, in some ways lonliness is imagined, in others, it's not! I always hope that no-one is ever lonely, but I know that there will always be lonely people and that is really sad!

Great Work... Keep it up!

MelZ!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

rOxXbabY391
Member

since 2002-12-14

Posts 71

2 posted 2003-01-03 03:57 PM

this was a reallly good poem
I can tell you its true
Loneliness is when you love someone
And they do not love you

Good Lines^ (i can really relate

) lol

~*~eMiLy~*~

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right."

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

3 posted 2003-01-03 04:45 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

I have to say I really loved this poem. I can relate to it very well. I think we're all gonna experience it sooner or later, though if I had my way, none ever would. It is the most painful thing in the world, you got that right. There was only one thing I saw that threw me off a bit:

quote:
When there is none to love you
When there is none to care

Now, this is just my opinion, and it's great as it is, but I think it would flow better as follows:

"When there is no one to love you
When there is no one to care"

OR

"When there are none to love you
When there are none to care"

It could be just me, but it sounds better in my head with those lines or a mix of the two.
I hope it dosen't sound like I tore this apart , because I really liked it and think it is a great poem.  Keep on writing!
                        *~Rich~*


"You can't hurt meee!!  'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

[This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (01-03-2003 04:46 PM).]

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

4 posted 2003-01-03 04:47 PM

*waves* Hi. Just me again. I forgot to put this in my library, so I thought I'd pop in and do so. Later!
*~Rich~*

"You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

5 posted 2003-01-03 04:56 PM

WOW! That was really good and well written... As far as the line change I think "none" is just fine... they were good suggestions but I don't think they necessarily change the flow... Anyhoo, nice work.

Honey
Member

since 2001-10-09

Posts 92
Hot girl From Canada

6 posted 2003-01-03 05:10 PM

wow! this was wonderful... sad but very true in the library it goes

It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In.

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest!!

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-01-03 05:34 PM

Thank you everybody for replying I'm new here so I was a little bit worried that knowone would! Thank you for all your comments and critiques!

Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love)
~Bella~

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

8 posted 2003-01-03 06:06 PM

hey this poem is good! Just one suggestion...break it into stanze. You described the feeling well.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

9 posted 2003-01-03 08:42 PM

Welcome to passions! This I have to say is an EXCELLENT first post! That was a really beautiful poem! Im sure alot of people(including me) can relate to it too well. You have a way with words, I'll be looking forward to reading more from you! Straight from your pen to my library lol.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

Smoothy
Member

since 2002-12-02

Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

10 posted 2003-01-04 08:48 AM

Yes, my fellow romantics and myself seem to agree that poetry about love seems to grab an audience better because more people can relate to it. Great job and welcome to Passions!

Love conquers all, so I must be in a losing battle.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

11 posted 2003-01-04 03:09 PM

Welcome to Passions! I really enjoyed this piece, especially the last stanza. Keep up the great work!

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

12 posted 2003-01-04 10:55 PM

i like ur other poem about the stars...you have the way of writing that stands out to me...i can't put my finger on it, it just flows very nicely and i can always find deeper meaning that you probably didn't even know was there...lol...i like ur writing style for some reason

poe_32
Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 179
Winnipeg, MB, Canada

13 posted 2003-01-05 06:02 AM

The only thing I can say is I know how that feels and it hurts. Your a very talented writer and that poem was excellent. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more great pieces from you soon.
jess

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

14 posted 2003-01-05 12:48 PM

~*~*~Welcome to Passions!!!!~*~*~

I really really really liked it. That's how I feel how I feel a majority of the time. The same feelings, everything. I loved how you worded things. And I'll have to agree with Rich about the way to word the two lines. I'd definately look into that. But otherwise, it was awesome! Great job! I'm adding it too my library. Welcome, again. lol. Bye! ~*~Me~*~ Or as some call me Kirah.

*Mistakes are made, you pay for them, then you do it again.*
~*~Love doesn't make the world go 'round, it just makes the ride worthwhile~*~

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

15 posted 2003-01-05 10:18 PM

POST SOME MORE!

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

16 posted 2003-01-06 04:22 AM

That was a really awesome poem, also very true! I'm very new to passions, so don't worry, you aren't alone! Nice work!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

17 posted 2003-01-06 10:15 PM

um. I loved this, and know it to be true. Hope you feel better soon.

...

Hope is... never mind.

Anyway, welcome to Passions!

Kielo

I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing.

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