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Teen Poetry #6
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OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245


0 posted 2002-12-27 02:17 PM


Wowwww this is baddddddd. I do not usually write stuff that doesn't rhyme not because I try it just happens that way, but this didn't sooo... just please don't be too terribly harsh. Wait no actually, be honest.

Gone away andgone astray
When will you come back, my love?
Away to nowhere you have gone.
When will you return?

I wish you'd never left me, dear.
Promises are lost.
You said you'd stay forever,
You promised to be there
And you promised to be here.

I wanted you to hold me,
As you always said you would.
I wanted you to kiss me
As before you never could.

You promised you would have me,
That I could have you in return.
But now I'm left alone.
All these broken promises
Leave me all alone...
Forever all alone.

Yuck. Oh well.

© Copyright 2002 OtherSideOfTheMirror - All Rights Reserved
WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
1 posted 2002-12-27 03:02 PM


And what's wrong with not rhyming? I hardly ever do, it doesn't have to ryhm(I hate that word) to be a poem. And quit being so hard on yourself this was a very good poem, and as usual with most of yours, I liked it alot.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

Stinky Twinkie
Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204
Dinwiddie
2 posted 2002-12-27 03:05 PM


I liked it too.  Like WinterWren said, it doesnt have to rhyme to be a poem.  I hate the word "rhyme" too. It sucks because there are few words that rhyme with it. Isn't that ironic? Actually, upon futher review, there are plenty of words that rhyme with "rhyme," but they are no good.  Bah, I'm rambling. Somebody make me shut up....


-Stinky Twinkie-

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245

3 posted 2002-12-27 03:11 PM


haha i didn't say it has to rhyme i just said its one of very few of mine that doesn't... so it's new to me. I like poems that don't rhyme i just always have trouble writing them. As far as the word, I hate that "h" they threw in there. Many a spelling test I failed for that.

Don't shut up stinky twinkie you are quite humerous.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
4 posted 2002-12-28 12:46 PM



Cassi~
Rhyming or not, I like this.
I'm enjoying reading your poetry.
You have talent and it shows.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (12-28-2002 12:46 AM).]

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