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Teen Poetry #6
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CloudedDreams
Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

0 posted 2002-12-23 09:41 AM



The sun has risen on this weary day
The comfort and shelter of night now fades
The battle is close, the casualties high
The light spreads across a bloodstained sky

The people of the village have tried
many have fought, countless have died
The Dark Leader now closes in
His mind focusung on the approaching win

The villagers can no longer fight
Too  many have been lost the previous night
It all seems as it is about to end
The Dark Leader begins he descend,,,

When a angered shout comes from nearby
The dark leader gives a suprised cry
There, standing in the way
A single soldier from kingdoms away

He carried a sword with a blue-black blade
Which dripped the blood of the darkness he slain
His eyes gleamed with bravery and pride
And he tightened his grip on the shield by his side

The dark lord sent the last soldiers of which he had
They ran to attack, their eyes gleamed mad
But all of them fell silently to the ground
When the soldier swiftly swung his sword around

The dark lord grew angry, face dripping with sweat
The soldier killed the last of his regiment
The final battle was to ensue
Both were anticipating about what to do

They sprinted forward in a maddened fury
Testing skills, and swinging weapons rapidly
Metal upon metal, each blow was swung
Then from their grips, their swords were flung

Once again they sprinted at full force
The fighting and violence ran its course
The soldier then proved he had won
As he knocked down the Evil One

A joyous cheer ran through the town
The survivors gave their champion a crown
But while the celebration had begun
They didn't realize the battle was not yet done

The Dark Leader opened swollen eye
He had one more wish before he was to die
He grabbed his sword and inched his way down
the dusty path which led to the town

He limped into the open gates
Where the final victory awaits
The sword swung as gasps went through the mass
The Champion's victory did not last

The sword cut deep into the champions side
He fell down, and there he died
The Leader fell laughing, he then too passed
The war reached its bittersweet end at last

The Angel of Death spread her blackened wings
and brings peace to the soul of those mourning
And as a single tear falls down her face
She carries the Champions spirit to another place

Never forget the pain others take
Or the lives they give for our sake
Remember to honor those who care
For one day they may not be there

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

© Copyright 2002 Eliza K. - All Rights Reserved
HopelessRomanticGuy
Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495
LI, New York
1 posted 2002-12-23 09:55 AM


Well, I won't have to sugar coat this:  THIS WAS GREAT!  I loved this poem and the way you write is so simple, yet so complex.  If you keep writing like this, and talk to the right people, you just might make it to the top!  And that victory won't be short lived!

                                                                           -Rich

"You can't hurt meee!!  'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

CloudedDreams
Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm
2 posted 2002-12-23 10:18 AM


::blushes:: aw..gosh.. that was the best remark I've ever gotten.... Thanks a lot!
HAve a wonderful day

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

Stinky Twinkie
Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204
Dinwiddie
3 posted 2002-12-23 11:12 AM


Whoa, that was fantabulistic.  It sounded like a power metal song (if you're not familiar with this type of music, ask me about it and I'll reply with an answer)! The story was told very well and I didn't get bored while reading, like with most long poems.  Great job, I'll give you an A.

-Stinky Twinkie-

CloudedDreams
Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm
4 posted 2002-12-23 11:16 AM


...power metal....?  

oh crap, this is my 100th post and I am wasting it by asking a stupid question...lol

[This message has been edited by CloudedDreams (12-23-2002 11:17 AM).]

roxywrestlegirl04
Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 74
good ole DINWIDDIE
5 posted 2002-12-23 11:47 AM


great job....as i read this...it literally (like a movie) played in my mind...i really like your style!
          
             LIZ

live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning!

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York
6 posted 2002-12-23 01:33 PM


Very good. Lots of visuals from the battle field. I like this a lot.
Rainbowdust
Member
since 2002-12-05
Posts 320
Sydney, Australia
7 posted 2002-12-23 06:54 PM


Very well written and thought out; I'm in awe!

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

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