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Teen Poetry #6
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2002-12-22 09:53 PM


How many mile stones do you have to pass,
Before the bumby road gets steady?
How many doubts do you have to turn down,
Before you know that you are ready?
How many stairways do you have to clean,
Before you start earning your paying?
How many people have got to use it,
Before a sentence 'comes a saying?
Questions weighing my mind,
That I don't know how to answers.
Get's heavier with time,
Like an endless growing cancer.
Watching the world today I gotta know,
Why carelessly we keep going on?
With all these things pushing at the side line,
How'd we close them off, call them gone?
How much do you need to accomplish,
Before you can be called a legend?
How many truth do you need to have told,
'fore earnin' you right to have it bend?
Why don't it take a man to make a child,
When it takes a man to raise a kid?
Just why are the green paper owning us,
When it should be us owning it?
Questions weighing my mind,
Just keep jumping on the wagen.
Keep crossing the line,
So many I need to bag them.
Watching the world today I gotta know,
Why carelessly we keep going on?
With all these things pushing at the side line,
How'd we close them off, call them gone?
Why's it all about the house money and car,
When it's all the same no matter who you are.
Why's it all about being mister big shot,
When it's all the same if you're when, why or what.
Watching the world today I gotta know,
Why carelessly we keep going on?
With all these things pushing at the side line,
How'd we close them off, call them gone?

(This is a song, and it do sing)

© Copyright 2002 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
1 posted 2002-12-22 10:34 PM


Thoughts provoking! Nicely done. Just one suggestion, maybe you can break it to stanze? Thanks for sharing

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

Heavens Tears
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

2 posted 2002-12-23 11:11 AM


It do sing!  Haha.  Very nice job here, although I kinda agree w/ aries, maybe break it up a little?  But even like this, its really good.  Keep it up!  

*Me*
I'm pasteing my smile back on just to please you...  I always knew Elmer's glue was good for something...

Stinky Twinkie
Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204
Dinwiddie
3 posted 2002-12-23 11:19 AM


That was honestly one of the best poems that I have read in this forum.  I swear, I tried to answer every question in there (wasn't successful, but thats ok). I could go all day praising this poem, but I wont, for the sake of everyone else.

-Stinky Twinkie-

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