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Handing Over
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Handing Over |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain 
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twinkling down on christmas holly red north star shining in gleam young boy born in a manger of hay with holy and innocence to watch over given to Mary of Bethelehem an angel of heart and gold to kiss us with his blessed light make our wounds heal, to be born again we not justifying our faith within ourselves is a crime paided in a fiery unjust unforgiving sin wash over our cheeks but forever if everything is gone a light still burns strong with each breath we take the holy spirit fills us more waters come to bore us a story that is one of hope if it is true given to us the gift of life accepting it is the worst of pain that it will bring to us if we give ourselves to him unwillingly Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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| © Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
Beautiful, seasonal, great imagery!! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Excellent job with this. I think some puncuation would have helped me read it smoother, but if this is your style, don't let me ruin it. Have a great Christmas! "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
Usually I hate religious christmas poems.... there's something about the genre that makes most people witter on about God is great, blah blah blah, God is good, yadda yadda yadda. (Not that there's anything wrong with this belief, it just makes pretty unremakable poetry). However, Riley, I salute thee, as you have managed to write a nativity poem without being sickly and sentimental! I loved the imagery in this, well done! And happy Christmas! Ellie  "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma" |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
CloudedDreams: Thank you very much Lakewalker: Many a person has asked my about punctuation, telling me it would make the poem better and whatever, but I have never used it and never plan to. I might use it here and there but never throughout the poem. To me the poem reads better without because it gives it a leisure like feel instead of being so strict. I want to have fun while writing, though I might use some structure. Thanks for replying Ellie: Me, sentimental, hehe. No, I don't like those either. They tend to I dunno, sound like a cheerleader wrote it, ( though nothing against cheerleaders ), well anyway, thanks for replyin.... Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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