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CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

0 posted 2002-12-21 05:16 PM

You never seem to have time
at all to spend with me
But then you suddenly talk about
a week with a "she"

Trying not to get any ideas
Is all that you tell me
But my imagination has taken flight
about you and this "she"

So what do you plan on doing
What things will be
Spending "quality time"
with this friend who's a "she"

You are going far away
And I can see
That all the things I've wanted to do with you
You are doing with this "she"

Well I hope you have a great time
with her instead of me
But don't expect me to be around
After you're done with your "she"

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

[This message has been edited by CloudedDreams (12-22-2002 08:00 PM).]

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

1 posted 2002-12-21 05:57 PM

Good poem...I can sadly relate. i really liked the line:
"That all the things I've wanted to do with you
You are doing with this "she""

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

2 posted 2002-12-21 09:09 PM

Nicely done. I like that line too, saying all the things you want to do with him, he did it with "she". Thanks for sharing

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

3 posted 2002-12-22 01:27 PM

i got done reading this and i sed"dang this was awesome" lol and thatz whut it was

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

4 posted 2002-12-22 01:54 PM

Interesting. I like it. I think maybe the title could be a little different because the poem isn't about who it is, but more what she is... I dono just a suggestion. I like how you refered to her as she it was a great idea and made the whole poem more solid. Nice job.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

5 posted 2002-12-22 07:40 PM

I liked this, maybe because I can relate. But I agree about the title. The poem really isnt about who "she" is, so maybe something else would suit it better. But I thought the poem itself was good. Well done!

*Me*
I'm pasteing my smile back on just to please you... I always knew Elmer's glue was good for something...

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

6 posted 2002-12-22 08:01 PM

changed title
not exactly too creative, a suggestion or two would be nice

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

7 posted 2002-12-23 01:40 PM

"No She"

Good, descriptive write.

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

8 posted 2002-12-23 04:18 PM

I liked the way you refer to this person as "She", like an anonymous being that you still hold with a certain amount of contempt. Very nice technique, and I can identify.
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

9 posted 2002-12-24 04:47 AM

strong write.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

10 posted 2002-12-28 03:49 PM

CloudedDreams~
A very strong write indeed, and the voice
behind the poem comes through loud and clear.
Very well done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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