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Hyper Sensitive
New Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 6
a somnambulist society

0 posted 2002-12-21 09:00 AM

it's just a ranty poem... my boyfriend just broke up with me a day ago, and i'm not taking it very well...

"It's Raining & Your Windows Are Open"

spend our days & nights together,
telling our life stories, love stories.
whenever a tear would fall from my eye,
you said "be strong girl, i know you are."
you came and saved me from myself.
i carried a lot of extra baggage,
while you didn't carry any at all,
but we fit together, made it together.

and just when i started to love you,
you unleashed those harsh words,
said you were never happy, with me,
that i was too attached, for you, to deal with.
that i was too emotional for you, to deal with.
you lie through your teeth, telling me you care,
you never cared because those times,
you said you had the best night of your life,
meant nothing, when you said you weren't happy,

with me...

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

1 posted 2002-12-21 03:22 PM

wow. that is so sad and so heartbreaking. May I reccomend that you make it into prose?
I believe that would be better than poetry.
Emotional Write!

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

2 posted 2002-12-21 03:56 PM

May be a ranty poem but you can feel the emotion veary well in this. I know how you feel, when my ex fiance left me I didn't take it to well either, I thought I would never get over it, but trust me baby doll, if they say somethin like that to you, they were never worth it in the first place. Theres more out there.

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

xxxnuttyangelxxx
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
New York

3 posted 2002-12-21 04:07 PM

I could feel my heart breaking while reading this piece. The emotion was outstanding. The beginning is goin to be hard but if you are strong which you seem to be, you can deff make it through. Things happen for a reason, you just need to find your reason.

Stay True,
Much luv,
shea

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

4 posted 2002-12-21 09:09 PM

"whenever a tear would fall from my eye,
you said 'be strong girl, i know you are.'"

Wow that part really speaks to me cuz... well it does I'm not sure why. Anyway, I'm sorry about the guy but trust me there are other fish in the sea, (sea is too distinctive actually, oceans, rivers, streams, ponds, whatever you like...), so i rephrase that, there are other fish in the body of water of your choice. Nicely written but i do think you could either add poetic technique or, as previously suggested, make it prose. Nice job nonetheless, and I love your username by the way.

-OtherSideOfTheMirror

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

5 posted 2002-12-21 09:32 PM

Hi, please see Re:Broken Heart at the forum. I hope you would get better soon.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

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