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ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2002-12-20 11:30 PM

Entered times of despair
I fight for a change
Reality just out of reach
Putting my faith in prayer

Anxiously awaiting God's reply
Hoping that I'll be blessed
Scared to death of being cursed
Changes I fail to make, alone I cry

This lifestyle leaving me unhappy
Yet I stay stuck in this rut
Out of fear of the real world
Just wanting to finally be happy

Many nights of introspection
Got me seeing things different
Totally in touch with my feelings
Know I need to release my affection

I realize now, I'm in control
Nothing can change without trying
Time for me to get my act together
Strive for the best, accomplish goals

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-12-21 04:59 AM

quote:
Entered times of despair
I fight for a change
Reality just out of reach

quote:
This lifestyle leaving me unhappy
Yet I stay stuck in this rut
Out of fear of the real world
Just wanting to finally be happy

the only critique i have, is the last line of the second stanza. the flow kind of threw me off a bit with the rest of the poem. but it's nothing major, could even just be me. ^^
as for the rest, im so loving it. i'm not really as religious as all that, but other than that this poem could so be about myself. especially the third stanza. that one just really hit home. great great write.
write more, post more.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

..You can't fight the tears that aren't coming..

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

2 posted 2002-12-21 11:52 PM

hey,
this was reallly good!
Merry Christmas!
~samantha~

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

3 posted 2002-12-22 12:16 PM

good

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

4 posted 2002-12-22 06:31 PM

Very well written. I enjoyed it vey much. Keep writing!

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

5 posted 2002-12-22 07:36 PM

"I realize now, I'm in control
Nothing can change without trying"

So true. Very nice poem. I agree with knightlyshadows about the flow of the stanzas. Pay more attention to the number of syllables per line. They dont have to be equal, but perhaps a few changes will make the poem flow more smoothly. But I still thought it was very good. Nicely done!

*Me*
I'm pasteing my smile back on just to please you... I always knew Elmer's glue was good for something...

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