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Teen Poetry #6

Heaven On Earth

Trouble Breathing
Member

since 2002-11-12

Posts 63

0 posted 2002-12-19 05:02 PM

Drifting off to sleep
Reliving the moments in my head
When you told me that you love me,
And you told me that you cared.
Visions become real,
Of me, spending all my time with you,
Wishing for nothing but your love,
Because every day I’m with you,
Feels like It’s never felt before
Living life for everything its worth
And I hope I never die,
Because with you, heaven is right here on earth.

So what do you all think? Suggestions, comments, constructive criticism?

[This message has been edited by Trouble Breathing (12-19-2002 09:07 PM).]

xxxnuttyangelxxx
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
New York

1 posted 2002-12-19 07:07 PM

Very nicely written. I enjoyed it very much. Their isnt much I would change about this poem, seems pretty damn good to me. You are a good writer.

Much love,
shea

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

2 posted 2002-12-19 08:32 PM

AWESOME! I wish I could experience that

*Allison*

"O My love
Please don`t cry
I`ll wash my bloody hands
And well start a new life"
-Good Charlotte

Trouble Breathing
Member

since 2002-11-12

Posts 63

3 posted 2002-12-19 09:07 PM

Thanks.

And dont worry, devine, you will. I believe every person's time comes at one point or another.

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