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NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

0 posted 2002-12-14 01:59 PM

Wasn't really planning on giving this a title since it was kind of a 5 minute write, but if you have any comments, I'd love to hear em.

I can't write
the darkness,
yet I feel it.
Yes, its here.
I can't say
whats wrong,
but there is something.
Here and deep within.
My love
turned to pain,
as my faith
destroyed.
How is it one person
can change everything?
From feelings,
to actions,
to dreams.
Its all corrupt.
Too much,
too much...
as its not enough.
My mind
covers my heart,
for once I am happy.
I really am.
My days show
hope of life
as I overcome weather.
Yes, I've changed...

But for the better.

Thanks for reading!

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

1 posted 2002-12-14 02:09 PM

"How is it one person
can change everything?
From feelings,
to actions,
to dreams."

hey i really enjoyed this write...thanks!

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

2 posted 2002-12-14 02:24 PM

"My days show
hope of life
as I overcome weather.
Yes, I've changed...

But for the better."

I loved this part and the part that was mentioned already. I'm glad that you've changed for the better. I've changed, for better or for worse. It's not my place to say which. Thanks for sharing!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

IM me at Tempus Vivo

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2002-12-14 04:09 PM

Thanks for your replies, its helpful to know what people are thinking.
Oh and Avis, I'm sure you've changed for the better!
Thanks again,
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

palmerj
Junior Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 30
Coxsackie, NY

4 posted 2002-12-15 11:56 PM

I can't even express how much this poem got to me. Very good write!

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

5 posted 2002-12-16 04:53 AM

"I can't write
the darkness,"

This one line alone would make up for the rest of the poem if (and I'm annoyed about this) the rest WAS bad. But it's not. You talented git. I can not write this sort of thing without it sounding immensely tacky. Try using the first line as a title. It is really good!

Salud!

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

LTEvans

[This message has been edited by LTEvans (12-16-2002 04:55 AM).]

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

6 posted 2002-12-16 07:19 PM

Palmerj- I'm glad I got to you, it shows that I have some strength in this.
Thanks for your reply

LTEvans- Now that I think about it, that would be a good title. *giggles*
Thanks a lot for your comments!

Thanks again for reading and telling me what you think.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-12-21 01:16 AM

NSnaomian~
I REALLY love this one...very much.
You've done an excellent job of expressing
yourself in this piece and I love the positive ending.
I also LOVE this part...

"I can't write
the darkness,"

That got my attention right away and I was hooked.
Very nicely written.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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