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Teen Poetry #6
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Pollita
Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

0 posted 2002-12-13 10:52 PM





Sinister Faces,
Dancing in the shadows.
Stripping me,
Of everything I am!

I breathe for him,
He’s the one without a doubt.
I feel for him,
More then I ever felt for anyone before.

Still I can’t help but wonder,
What if this emotion we call love isn’t real.
What If it’s this thing we made up,
So us pathetic humans wouldn’t feel lonely.

Is there anything worth believing in,
Or are we just passing the time so we won’t be afraid.
When will this torchure end,
When will we realize that this world has nothing to offer?

Remembering all that happened,
WE BROUGHT THIS UPON OURSELFS!
Glory no longer will exist,
And neither will happiness.

We failed in our mission,
To un-complicate life.
Will we be sacrificing ourselves,
For the future or be ruining everything?

We are the hopeless,
We also are the unwanted.
By one person or another,
We will prosecuted.

Yes we are pathetic,
Blaming others for our mistakes.
Taking each other’s lives,
For no reason at all.

Is there a point to that,
Or is that another one of our sick sports?
Must we be so wrong,
And  kill precious things?

Evil and darkness will prevail,
And I will rule this world.
We are so wrong,
Letting eachother live their disgusting lives…

[This message has been edited by Pollita (12-13-2002 10:59 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Delaniie Quirk - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-12-14 03:53 AM


hrm, maybe it's just me, but did the subject change in this? or was i just completely off on what it was about.. i thought you had a nice strong beginning, but it slacked off a little on the punch in the middle and ending. but that could just be because my fav stanza was the first. *weird-o*
anyways, besides a few spelling errors and the like, i liked this. another small thing is the caps in it, thats just a pet peeve of mine. as well as the exclamation point. don't know why, but they bug the crap out of me. :p but that's just me dear, so don't think anything about it. nice write.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Pollita
Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity
2 posted 2002-12-14 09:36 AM


No actually...
this whole poem is supposed to symbolize something.
It's also supposed to make us realize that there is no dignity in killing things.
In the poem it says that us humans are pathetic....
I strongly believe that!
And I think that if a few of us would just stop the non-sense then we would be fine...
And yup, It was supposed to change!
So no it's not just you.
It was supposed to go from the first 2 stanza's to something else....
(I like the something else better)

So I hope that my little message in the poem doesn't seem so useless and stupid!

Hope that will return one day,
Will be the cause of my sanity.
Until then I will be,
A lost soul looking for a place to rest.

CloudedDreams
Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm
3 posted 2002-12-14 12:49 PM


Good, strong message here of humanity and its many faults. It is like a smack of reality in the face of a dream...good job!

Pollita
Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity
4 posted 2002-12-14 02:05 PM


Aww thank you!

Yes we have many faults...and not realizing it is one of them!
I think that If everyone would be happy with living creatures and their homes, and if everyone respected nature---
We wouldn't be having this discision!

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
5 posted 2002-12-14 02:43 PM


I think this is a very strong poem and I have to say I agree with the sentiments expressed!!!!
I like the sudden change of tack, seems to emphasise that things arent as straight forward as they might seem in this messed up world!
L8rs!
Luv, Liz xxx

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
6 posted 2002-12-15 01:30 AM


Delany... Greetings from BC... anyway, I love the message in this, and my one critique (spelling) has already been mentioned, so I won't drag it on and on. Glad to see you're writing again hun

No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot.
~ Arthur (Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail)
I'm Rhondiforous!

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