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Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

0 posted 2002-12-12 08:26 PM

Is it so wrong to want to put myself first,
To give in to temptation, to the ache and the thirst?
Is it wrong to silence Conscience for once,
To take a forbidden turn, make Mind the dunce?

Is it so wrong to give in to desire,
To stop fighting "should nots" and embrace the fire?
Is it so wrong to encourage thoughts like these,
To enjoy the heat, and the weakening of the knees?

Is it so wrong to wish the whole world away,
To buy something for a price I'm not sure I can pay?
Is all of this wrong? Or is it wrong to question?
Can I allow the luxury of a final misconception?

I want to dive in, and never surface for air,
And with one heated moment, quell my soul's despair
What do I do? I gaze at two sacks
Before hoisting the heavier one on to my back.

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2002-12-13 09:54 AM

I like the last stanza the best, but the whole thing was pretty good. I enjoyed reading about something often thought of but rarely embraced. This was bold in it's own right. Good write, thanks for sharing!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

2 posted 2002-12-13 02:32 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, and it's my style too. My favorite satnzas being the last two. I just loooooved them. Especially,

"Is it so wrong to wish the whole world away,
To buy something for a price I'm not sure I can pay?"

and

"What do I do? I gaze at two sacks
Before hoisting the heavier one on to my back."

I love the imagery and thought that these lines provoke. Keep writing! (This is for my library)

Also, I'm 25% Australian myself, and I plan to move back there. I have relatives in Brisbane, Melbourne, and Sydney. I would loooove to talk to you! You can e-mail me at lemonlover101@hotmail.com!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

IM me at Tempus Vivo

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

3 posted 2002-12-13 02:33 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, and it's my style too. My favorite satnzas being the last two. I just loooooved them. Especially,

"Is it so wrong to wish the whole world away,
To buy something for a price I'm not sure I can pay?"

and

"What do I do? I gaze at two sacks
Before hoisting the heavier one on to my back."

I love the imagery and thought that these lines provoke. Keep writing! (This is for my library)

Also, I'm 25% Australian myself, and I plan to move back there. I have relatives in Brisbane, Melbourne, and Sydney. I would loooove to talk to you! You can e-mail me at lemonlover101@hotmail.com!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

IM me at Tempus Vivo

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

4 posted 2002-12-14 01:04 PM

Great metaphors, wonderful sense of questioning, a successful poem. Keep it up!

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

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