With Her Back to the World

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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-12-02 11:20 AM

Fingers numb and cold she
stares at her hands and the
bruise on her elbow that she
hasn't quite mentioned to him yet.

On the phone, fighting individuals search
for a common ground, communication
lines seem to be torn, she's
fighting to keep what's hers. And they
tell her she has to give up, if she doesn't it
will only get worse.

He said before that sometimes you
just know, well, she "just knows" now and
he said that he won't let anything bad happen, well,
she's on her own now.

She stares at the mirror in front of her, the
phone next to her shaking hand, and she
watches her reflection as she
picks it up, turns her back on the world,
and follows him.

-0------------0-------------0---------0000000
oooooo.... ok... there will most likely be more to follow this.. I dunno.

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2002-12-02 01:29 PM

Wow this was good. I liked it a lot.

"She stares at the mirror in front of her, the
phone next to her shaking hand, and she
watches her reflection as she
picks it up, turns her back on the world,
and follows him."

Especially this stanza.

Good write
Darkness

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2002-12-02 08:37 PM

Wow, excellent poem. You have a way with words. I love it.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change?" -Dishwalla-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-11 02:25 AM

Allysa~
This is a powerful write and filled with strong emotion.
You've done a great job on this.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-12-12 02:06 PM

I like the twist you put on the cliche at the end... cliches can be used to the advantage of the poem, as you've shown.

As usual your physical description as a method of describing the internal impresses me... I've always loved that aspect of your poetry. This one has a lot of that sort of thing, along with that description of state of mind that really holds the whole poem together... very nice work.

Parasite

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

5 posted 2002-12-12 06:38 PM

WOW..and thats all I can say..
*Allison*

"Sorry I`m not home right now. I`m walkin in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I`ll call you back."

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