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Teen Poetry #6
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wvplayernotreally
Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215
yakima wa

0 posted 2002-11-30 04:51 PM



Huddled
crying
sniffing
shaking
cock
pull
bang
silence
sirens
lights
crowds
weeping
holding
strecher
speeding
beeping
heaven
funeral
mourning
hugging
stories
pictures
talking
Highschool
classes
books
friends
cars
lunch
dances
football
basketball
baseball
games
movies
kissing
back to life
Something my love, my baby will never go through. Looking from heaven over me. Smiling big....oh God his smile.

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

© Copyright 2002 Malloree - All Rights Reserved
Riley
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Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
1 posted 2002-11-30 04:59 PM


Ok, lets see how I can do this. I am not exspecially attached to the way you wrote this. It was hard to read the words going straight down. But I could see a message in there, and it was a good one. For that I applaud you. I liked the message. But it lacked a certain depth that you could have. I have read some of your other poetry and this isn't as good, but with a little work, it could be. Thanks for the read.


Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

rm711
Member
since 2002-11-30
Posts 131
Wiltshire, England
2 posted 2002-11-30 05:47 PM


Amazingly powerful I really loved it
The structure works really well
Makes it very strong
Well done

Rosie Mitchell

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
3 posted 2002-12-01 04:14 AM


woah i so love that style right on!!

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

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