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Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

0 posted 2002-11-29 04:41 PM

Finally, here is serious poem from me. I know some of you have waited quite a while for this...so here you go.

Cemetary Gates

I approach the cemetary gates,
my skin damp from the newly-formed mist.
The mere sight of your tombstone
makes my soul double over in pain.

I think about how good you were to me
and the time we shared together.

You are irreplacable, magnificent.
I wish I had another dog like you.

*sits and waits for replies*

quik
Member

since 2002-11-27

Posts 91
Dinwiddie,Virginia

1 posted 2002-11-29 04:44 PM

I like it i like it. Its very intriquing. Very.....GOOD!!!!

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

2 posted 2002-11-29 09:53 PM

I just realized that the dog line wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. I was going for the good ol' element of surprise. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

-Stinky Twinkie-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-11-30 12:22 PM

Stinky~
Well, I know you were going for 'funny' here, but
I have to agree that it wasn't as humorous as I'm
sure you expected.
This is actually a very good piece of writing
and you've woven some excellent imagery with your words.
Personally, I'd LOVE to see some more 'serious'
poetry from you.
You have a talent that is begging to be shared.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

4 posted 2002-11-30 01:03 AM

yeah, my talent keeps begging for me to share it, but I just slap it and tell it to shut up. Funny = better. enough said

roxywrestlegirl04
Member

since 2002-10-29

Posts 74
good ole DINWIDDIE

5 posted 2002-11-30 10:55 AM

very very good.....it was actually serious untill the dog part....(which wasnt as funny as u wanted it to be...i could tell)anywayz....VERY GOOD>....i loved it!!

live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning!

stephanie
Junior Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 33

6 posted 2002-11-30 11:23 AM

Travis!....that's as serious as you've ever been! WOOHOO! im proud of ya...hahaha. it was very good. i liked it. i though the ending was gonna be about something else when i was reading it so i was gettin all teary eyed and stuff and then you bust out with a dog...haha....it was good. i really liked it. keep up the good work. =

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

7 posted 2002-11-30 12:51 PM

Believe or not, this poem has no real meaning either. I've never visited a dog's grave and I don't think I ever will. I just wanted to throw some fancy words together and see what everybody said. Thanks for telling me how great I am (just kidding).

You all made my day just like her.

-Stinky Twinkie-

rxyfxy04
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 54
lil' town in Virginia

8 posted 2002-11-30 08:23 PM

OMG!!! that was really good travis, it was sooooo serious. It really surprised me with the dog thing. aight.. keep it up.. bye bye

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

9 posted 2002-12-01 11:50 PM

unfortunatly, Im not goin to say anything bad about your poem. It's pretty dang good.

"I want you to belive in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change? -Dishwalla-
WinterWren

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

10 posted 2002-12-02 12:17 PM

the imagery at the beginging of the pretty good and my favorite part of this particular piece. i find that humorous poetry has its place but tends to be a little restrictive. poetry is such an excellent tool for expressing oneself that its generally better to avoid getting locking into one type of writing. i agree that you have talent and i hope you keep writing

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

11 posted 2002-12-02 12:19 PM

also in reading what i just wrote i have discoved that it made no sense at all. distractions and whatnot, i meant to say that the imagery at the begining of this poem was good. *sigh* and there seems to be a whole crew from dinwiddie here now

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

12 posted 2002-12-03 02:32 PM

It was really interesting to see that it was about a dog in the end but thats what gave it some of its flavor

hehe..great job.

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

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