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Teen Poetry #6
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The Monster
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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The Monster |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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The Monster squawks but can it talk? or walk the walk diving bombing hellion he rules the roost white winged devil The Monster squawks but can it talk? or walk the walk the scavanger king turn his hand to anything the urban terrorist |
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| © Copyright 2002 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
If you aren't going to use actual punctuation, then why use at all? casey |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
very good, very good. It sounds like you're talking about city police to me, don't really know why. Pretty cool poem. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: No comment... Well the best poetry is to some extent ambiguous, I merely extend this from meaning to punctuation. Why? well punctuation is just a form of control placed by the writer onto the reader, by removing punctuation I give true freedom to the reader so that he/she may read the poem in his/her own way.  My Violent Bedtime Stories Coming Soon? [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (11-29-2002 12:32 PM).] |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Then why use any punctuation at all? Seems to me that you can't decide whether you want to be against punctuation or not. Casey |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Well if he's asking a question No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Well if he is writing a sentence, isn't a period apt, or an exclamation point if it so fits? Casey |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
it's okay Zu, if Casey only whines about punctuation, it means she couldn't find anything else wrong with your poem. Take it as a compliment, because in most cases, nobody cares about the punctuation of a poem anyways. For some reason it really seems to bother Casey though. Hm... |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
I have something to say. Poetry is a form of art and it doesn`t need punctuation unless the punctuation has a very specific meaning and plus....if someone uses some punctuation and leaves the rest withouht...then thats ok...its like telling an artist he needs more red on the left side to make it look better..Get what I`m saying? He wasn`t writing a letter to the overner he was writing some poetry.. *Allison* |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Ok I gotta fix some stuff I did. without*** governer**** Ok that`s all I had to fix. Now you may understand my letter ...better! LOL Ok buh bye for now. *Allison* |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Actually I can find more LP, but I have discovered that many people don't value what I have to say, hence my very short responses. I find it very fruitless to invest a lot of time in critiques when I just get whined at about them by others. Casey Walk the walk is a cliche, by the way. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Well maybe he WANTS to have a cliche. I'm going to stop now before I say something that'll get me kicked out  No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. |
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lildevil Junior Member
since 2002-11-21
Posts 47missouri,usa |
good poem for get about all the squableing i havent had any problems with it on my poetry which has almost no puncuation at all but i better stop and go to the lounge to post the rest of what i want to say |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
i liked this poem, short but still pretty cool |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wow Zu, just wow..the punctuation didnt bother me at all..i liked this alot so why does it matter?  What You Can't Have- You Can't Resist |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
hey zu, been a while. this is a really like the way you present this particular image, the language is excellent. hope to read more Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Casey, in your last response, the "Actually" is a dependent clause and should be followed by a comma. Of course, most good writers would insist it was a filler word and shouldn't be used at all. Additionally, "fruitless" is one of those strange words, like unique, that cannot be modified. Something is either fruitless or it's not fruitless, but it can't be "very fruitless." Finally, any time you see two prepositions rubbing elbows with each other, as in "get whined at about them," you know you have a grammatical (and in this case, very discordant) error. Of course, it's very easy to say that your response was, well, just a response. It wasn't a poem, and you obviously don't care about correct punctuation and grammar in "just" a written response. All you really cared about was getting across your intent. You didn't follow all the rules, but you followed enough to convey the message. I'm not picking on you, but rather I'm trying to make a point. Poetry, for many, isn't any different than responses seem to be for you. It's more about getting across the message than it is about following rules. Sometimes punctuation helps get across that message, sometimes it doesn't, and although it's rare, sometimes punctuation actually gets in the way of the message. Poetry is also a unique medium in that line breaks can often take the place of punctuation, accomplishing the same purpose. In short, it's not as black and white as you might like. Looking at every poem and saying, "It needs proper punctuation," is just too easy. It's a cop-out. Instead, we should examine the message and then, if necessary, find ways to better convey that message. That might include punctuation. But it might not. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
You are actually, and I'm really tired of it. This place does not welcome people who actually appreciate poetry, and it hasn't since the start. I think you know as well as I do, that this site is more like a journal site than it is a poetry site. Especially this board in particular. I get personally attacked in the alley, and that's fine. Thanks for bumping this up so other poems can't get their standard "this is great response," I bet they all respect that. Casey [This message has been edited by clve527 (12-04-2002 08:56 AM).] |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: Everyone who posts poetry on this board appreciates poetry otherwise why would they post here? quote: Excuse me if I fail to get the point here, but are you asking the entire board to change their style to please you? Or do you merely expect the many posters of this board to move elsewhere? There are many posters who have been here since these forums were opened who have been posting their poetry since then, you are a far more recent addition to this community yet you seem to expect it to change. If you don’t like what is done here, you don’t have to stay, post in open, dark or C.A. or if the problem is with Piptalk move to a different forum after all no one is forcing you to stay here, though no one would like to see you leave. quote: Personal attacks on any member are not fine, nor justifiable. All members should have the same right to express themselves in their own way without other people attacking them. If you have a problem with any posts, report them to a moderator and they will transfer them for review. quote: If you don’t like the tone of the responses then lead by example, tell the writer what you think they could do to improve their piece but in a positive and constructive way, but I whenever reply to a poem “this is great” that is exactly what I mean and I mean it sincerely and I would hope that they do respect that. Anyway I better go before I get caught replying. Andrew My Violent Bedtime Stories Coming Soon? |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
You know what this isn't worth fighting for, I come from a site where people want to be poets, and want to be published. I am going to critique as I have been, because I haven't personally attacked people in them, and will not respond to people attacking me or trying to pick a fight. And that is that. Casey [This message has been edited by clve527 (12-04-2002 07:35 PM).] |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: Please forgive me if I twist you words but are you saying that the people who frequent these forums are not poets? I only ask because I feel that I, as well as every other person who posts here is a poet, but like I say forgive me if that is not what you intended to say. I agree that this is not worth fighting for but I do believe that things cannot carry on the way they have been. I understand that you do not like this piece for its lack of punctuation and I respect that as your opinion. Your first and second reply offer little to me as a writer, if you wanted to sway me towards using punctuation you might have offered advice, your version or any other helpful suggestions you could of thought of, but instead you offered a question, challenging me to defend my work. quote: I am aware that I have my critique flag on, actively encouraging critiques but in my critique message I did state: quote: I wanted honest detailed criticism on my work and this is your reply: quote: I think it is unfair to say that this is a critique, what it is, is a negative and unhelpful comment that will and has a. done nothing to help me as a writer and b. done nothing to help you. quote: Now I really can’t be bothered to keep on coming back to this issue but I feel that if you intend to critique people that you should really offer something that they can actually use and what people can use is an honest constructive critique. This is a site where people come to be poets, to learn, share and for some to get recognition so that they can be published, I would like to think that you would want to be part of that process. Andrew My Violent Bedtime Stories |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Since I admire not only you as a writer but also your tendency of critiquing my messages, I will say this. I just two days ago did a very detailed critique and it has yet to be responded to. And you will say two days, geez what are you expecting. BUT I have a pretty serious feeling that all the suggestions that I spent a significant amount of time on will be overlooked. All that efforted was wasted along with my time. Now if I do mini critiques and haave the poet respond in a way where I can see that they will actually value a detailed critique, then it will save me time and the poet any heartache from having their poem dissected. I will return to this poem and critique it, not today because I have to memorize every muscle in the body, which quite frankly sounds like absolutely no fun to me. So I will return to this poem and give it a detailed critique, punctuation suggestions included.  Casey |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Casey- You can give your opinion..maybe you should just tone it down a bit and maybe use less sarcasim and ..well u know everybody pretty much took what I was gonna say. LOL *Allison* |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, i dont think that i replyed to this... i liked this poem. ummm..... this was a good poem, did i already say that???? i dont no what else to say so... ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Thank you for all your wonderful comments, I really appreciate them. Andrew |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
Personally I liked the poem alot. I don't see what the deal is with the punctuation in this one. It doesn't detract from the reading of the piece for me anyway. If it did then yes I might say something, but I would just ask why you used the punctuation you did. Zu, your poem was well written throughout and was fine. The only little hang up I had was the use of the word turn in this sentence. "turn his hand to anything" It's nothing big and I can't explain why I didn't like it. I think using the word "turning" would be better, but otherwise I really liked the poem. ex animo, Aaron Woodside There are no great men, only men in great circumstances. |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
Wow people here surely get very into their arguments. I for one am most certainly not perfect, not considering myself a such in any sense of the word, but I do know good work when I see it. I think this poem is well thought out and well written, despite the attacks on the puncuation. However, I feel Casey deserves some defense as had it not been dragged out into this, she simply stated that punctuation was something to consider. Afterall, the line I see write now in my reply about critique preferences: "I would like a constructive criticism of my work, punctuation, language, spelling as well as imagery, meaning etc..." Note the word punctuation? I don't want to get into this and in all honesty I simply read through it, I know this whole dispute occurred ages ago, (or a few weeks anyhow). However, I thought it unfair to attack Casey, who may have just been trying to help and found herself defenseless. Love you all and YOU ARE ALL POETS! Promise. -othersideofthemirror [This message has been edited by OtherSideOfTheMirror (12-25-2002 10:44 PM).] |
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smurf_gurl Junior Member
since 2003-01-20
Posts 19US of A |
*bump* your lack of punctuation here seems to make the poem instead of break it, as was earlier suggested. The Monster squawks but can it talk? or walk the walk diving bombing hellion he rules the roost white winged devil though parts are very cliche (and chiche is not always bad, as some people may think) you give this...erm...monster a personality all its own. Though with the roost, it kinda sounds like a chicken, lol, don't ask me why, just kinda does...okay, no, not really a chicken, but a rooster. Yeah, so it's painfully obvious now....ANYWAY, on with the other part of the poem. The Monster squawks but can it talk? or walk the walk the scavanger king turn his hand to anything the urban terrorist haha, a rooster squaks...but it doesn't really wal....anyway, yes, okay, okay, I cant get the chicken out of my head. but that doesn't mean it's a poem written about a chicken!! it just REMINDS me of a chicken!! but it sounds more like it's about the police. anyway, Andrew, Great job. sorry I kinda wrecked it with the whole chicken thing though...haha. ~Stace |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A chicken it isn't, a seagull it is... Thanks for all of the replies, although I didn't realise that seagulls could be so controversial |
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