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Teen Poetry #6

A new friend

palmerj
Junior Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 30
Coxsackie, NY

0 posted 2002-11-26 03:14 PM

Tears appear on days like these
fighting hard not to remember
days long forgotten

Your brightness warmed my heart
But as seasons changed
so did your love

What was once so warm
and comforting
now chills me to the bone

Will you treat
you new friend
just like me?

this is suck but o well it took like a minute to write peace out

stephanie
Junior Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 33

1 posted 2002-11-26 03:29 PM

ha..i would like to know why you said this sucked?...i loved it...it has meaning.i'd love to read something you spent a little more time on if this only took a minute...im sure they would be some awesome poems. i wouldnt recommend putting down your own poetry though. That's your feelings not just words on a screen...great poem!

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

2 posted 2002-11-26 03:35 PM

Please proofread.

Casey

lildevil
Junior Member

since 2002-11-21

Posts 47
missouri,usa

3 posted 2002-11-26 06:43 PM

well you are sort of right when you said it sucked but it just needs some thought and alot of proofreading

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-11-26 06:49 PM

I shall attempt:

Tears appear on days like these
fighting hard not to remember
days long forgotten

I was a little confused when I read this first stanza....then I read it again and I got it. I like that whole concept of the tears thing.

Your brightness warmed my heart
But as seasons changed
so did your love

Question: How did this tie in with the first stanza? Ok maybe its just me.

What was once so warm
and comforting
now chills me to the bone

OOOOOOOO, chills, this was an awesome stanza. Chills me to the bone. whooo

Will you treat
you new friend
just like me?

um....didn't get it. the flow what all funky and it didn't tie together for me.

Anywho, good poem. TTYL!

Just my two cents.

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

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