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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-11-25 10:21 PM

your life submerging in the waters
the depth is lying there waiting
gripping for the flesh that floats above
put first and last just because your different
i only have myself
in, for which, i can trust and abide
never you
but i always know
you will be there, sometime
to help me swim to the safety net
and not choke
trying to survive
i won't listen to the song
so many sing back to me
echoing off the ice crystals
that hang there
tempting me to grab on and fall
but i hold my ground
steady girl
but i want to thank you
up above
for all the kisses you send
right in the knick of time
to break my fall
when my friends aren't around
all alone
i wouldn't be here
spiritually
if it weren't for you

now, again
i am alone
with only myself by my side
but sometimes
thats all that i need

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-11-26 07:17 AM

loved this riley, your poetry just seems to be growing so much lately. youre doing very well.

this bit really stood out to me:

quote:
i won't listen to the song
so many sing back to me
echoing off the ice crystals
that hang there
tempting me to grab on and fall
but i hold my ground
steady girl

loved the 'steady girl' and the other italic parts. added a nice touch of you in it. oh and -really- liked the title of this.
great write.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (11-26-2002 07:19 AM).]

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

2 posted 2002-11-26 12:47 PM

I agree with knightlyshadows, the part about the singing and all....... very atmospheric. Well done, you've done yourself proud on this one Riley!
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

stephanie
Junior Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 33

3 posted 2002-11-26 03:16 PM

im new to piptalk and just happened to read this and it was very touching...i loved the "tempting ice crystals" as well...shows good imagry...i can see so much of this taking place in my head as i read it...works of a great poetry writer. great work! i thoroughly enjoyed it.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2002-11-29 04:18 PM

Riley!
Wow...I REALLY like this one.
Your poetry is getting better and better and
I'm so glad that you share it with us.
This is definately one of my favorites of yours.
VERY nicely penned.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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