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Teen Poetry #6
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EleanorMoonbaby
Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2002-11-25 05:30 PM


(breathe)

And under we go.
Heavy, hard, calloused hands on our shoulders.

(down)

Pressure applied
5,4,3,2,1.....
We have total immersion.

(hang)

Softly, suspended in liquid, sound blocked out
Not daring to open our eyes.

(touch)

And its all oh so gentle
Numb and caring.

(up)

Breaking out from water, feel air
Like a slap in the face.

(dance)

In the cutting air, water drops on bare skin
Like diamonds.

----------------------------------------------------
No, this ain't a poem about skinnydipping, lol! And yep, I'm aware that there's a Sarah Kane play called cleansed. Does that make me a title thief? *ponders*
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am,  my karma just ran over your dogma"

© Copyright 2002 Eleanor Warren - All Rights Reserved
snoduck
Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99
Selah, WA
1 posted 2002-11-25 08:39 PM


i loved it! i haven't seen that type of writing around, but omg it was beautiful. i liked it so much i'm speechless. lol. i'm gonna be lookin for more from you, for real.

-Erica-

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
2 posted 2002-11-26 07:25 AM


yes, this was a unique style. i thought you wrote this well ellie. especially liked this one:
quote:
Softly, suspended in liquid, sound blocked out
Not daring to open our eyes.

ahh love that feeling.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
3 posted 2002-11-28 10:59 PM


ooooooooooooooooo, ver-y ver-y intriguing ellie....


Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
4 posted 2002-11-30 12:00 PM



Ellie~
This is a well written piece.
I enjoyed the images that it placed in my mind,
as well as the unique style.
Very nicely done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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