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Teen Poetry #6
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When Your Away
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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When Your Away |
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branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI 
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When your away, I feel as if ive gone astray, I've grown so much on you, Like a little bug cold or maybe the flu, My love for you is kind and sweet, Being around you makes every day a treat. You ask if will be together forever, I say I hope so, But nothing lasts forever, Thats such a big word, But I never said I wouldnt try, To be with you every day untill I die. You've been given to me like a perfect present, Something out of the ordinary, Something so pleasant, Your hair of blonde your eyes of blue, Makes everynight like heaven when im with you! Rachel my sweet, Your in my dreams, Your in my heart, Ill always think about you, Even when were apart. All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! ~*~Branden~*~ [This message has been edited by branden726 (11-25-2002 05:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Branden Jacobs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PrincessNets Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 103NewYork, USA |
I really liked this poem! I think you expressed your feelings really well and any girl would be glad to receive such a sweet show of your affections! Great write! -Jeanette- |
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snoduck Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99Selah, WA |
*tear tear*, that was sooo sweet! I seriously wanted to cry, to have a guy actually admit his feelings about a girl is the most romantic thing ever. and I do hope you and this girl stay together for a long time. best of luck! I enjoyed the read..thanks -Erica- |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hey thanks guys, yeah i hope were together for a long time 2  my last one lasted 2 years but then i got burned i just hope this one doesnt end that way. |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
I hate to be a grammar nazi, but "your" is supposed to be "you're". "Your" shows possession. Sorry, but I hate it when people do this. good poem though |
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rxyfxy04 Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 54lil' town in Virginia |
Hey, sorry to hear that ur last one didnt last.. but this sounds like this one is good! Best of luck to you and Rachel.. i loved your poem.. very much affection! RxyFxy04 |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Well thanks twinkie and all others twinkie i'd expect this comming from you since i said something to you but honestly... I dont write to impress I write what i feel therfore grammer doesnt matter to me |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
"I see," said the blind man. I can tolerate that I guess. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Umm I could be wrong but if you simply want to write what you feel, wouldn't a journal suffice? Casey |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
branden~ I, for one, am very happy that you write what you feel. You've penned some lovely, heartfelt thoughts in this piece, and I enjoyed the read. Keep writing and sharing. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-29-2002 05:49 PM).] |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
A journal would be nice but since its a poem.... Ill stick to posting it like one you see ive got the ability to write and people love what i write because it shows that im not a "typical" male and that I do care about others feelings therefore I write what i feel in poetry not in journalism there 2 different things and someones not going to go oh hey nice journal there going to go hey nice poem or hey nice write and thats what i love about this place i gave a lil critism but in return i took some myself and thats fine. Laterz All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! |
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