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Teen Poetry #6

Another Poem About Sarah

k2tomtom21k
New Member

since 2002-11-18

Posts 9

0 posted 2002-11-24 06:36 PM

When she’s alone and she’s sure no one
Is watching, she looks out her window,
Her eyes meet with green and red
Clouds that spark emotion.  Allowing
Her dark brown eyes to saturate in the beauty
That life timelessly and infinitely offers.

No picture can be drawn in any imagination
To elaborate on half the emotion
That has been racing through her head,
Faster than the seconds on a clock.

Everything’s gone awry
And every time she thinks she is happy,
Her eyes, still wandering the red and green
Clouds, fill with tears.

She lets each tear take on a life of their own,
         Possessing their own problem.
               Holding secrets from all the other tears,
                    Racing down her face,
Almost as if they were trying to get away from her.

Perhaps, everything is just a conflict,
A turmoil brewing, an anxiety attack
That won’t stop.  Sleepless nights,
But with beautiful friends (with laughter,
Dancing, and everything that fills
Young lives with hope and love)

           And I’m sure she’d smile
           If it didn’t hurt her so much inside.

                  (maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me
                    to leave her and her tears.)
       Good Bye.

-Jimmy Marble

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-11-24 09:48 PM

lol, nice critique message. :p and good write! i havent read any other poems from you that i recall.. especially about sarah. but woah, i so enjoyed this one. i thought it was very well put together. good structure and theme. and the story line kept me curious. yup i liked this one alot. you had some unique organizations and thoughts in there that i liked. this was a good write i think all the way through. keep posting jimbo. ^^;

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

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