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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Flu Season |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding 
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I watched you walk in today why my eyes had wandered to the back of the church I'll never figure out It was odd... you looked different (why oh why did you dye your hair orange?) Inwardly I was cursing you for old feelings Outwardly I put on the mask of security a Voice whispered to me, "You're royalty, Rhonda, he's a commoner. He cannot harm you in any way" (when did you get rid of your hat?) We glared at each other each time our eyes met but my heart wasn't in it, and I don't think yours was either. I've seen you twice in two nights and I don't know why. I don't like it, because I don't like you... at least I didn't. (I think you still have one of my shirts) |
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| © Copyright 2002 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol@the orange hair line. i loved the lil touches of personel things you put in this. it made it all 'rhonda,' if you know what i mean. this sounds like a recent breakup poem. *cuddle* don't you hate it how you always seem to run into an ex when you least expect or need it? love the title btw, you always have unique ones that make me want to see what youre talking about. :p i loved this lil bit dear: quote: ..so sad. *comfie* hope youre ok rhonda. if you need to talk, email me if you like. [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (11-24-2002 09:20 PM).] |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
"You're royalty, Rhonda, he's a commoner. This is without doubt my favorite line.  You write this wonderfully, and the interjections in parenthesis just make it more real. You write well, very well.   Kielo According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellow is, but I know where to find him. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A very good write, this is a very intimate poem, with splatters of very personal details, I like it because it's you but also because it is such a brilliant write. Andrew |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Rhonda~ As you know, I'm loving your poetic style. I enjoy the way you interject little random thoughts into your poetry. For example, "(I think you still have one of my shirts)", just happens to be one of my favorite lines in this piece. The little thoughts just add a more personal touch, in my opinion, and of course, they are very 'you'. Wonderfully written. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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