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LesterVisaya
Junior Member

since 2002-11-16

Posts 21

0 posted 2002-11-24 12:39 PM

Sorry if this poem is too long,but i would really appreciate it if someone would comment on it please...?

The greater the man I am,
The greater the fool I must have been for the more mistakes I must have made,
in order to have learn so much.

Heavy tears bare down thick layers of sin,
And bares it down to the beauty of our core,
A mist of construe from God’s ways and man’s ways,
held up together by the burning branches of the human spirit.

It creates the world’s soaky picture,
A secret that’s somewhat has to be kept in silence
but yet a secret that’s spoken from within the shadows of our being.

I’m drunk and drenched with life’s fine bitterness,
The sweetness of my childhood makes the void within my teenhood bitter,
Without direction I’m loaded with so much thought in my mind;
Addiction with the dices of reality trying to fill up this void that w/c my tongue cannot spit out.

Wandering ,searching for what has been layered under,
By what once seemed so normal,
The wars of my melancholy desires reveal more than what my temper will ever shout at me.

For the mess that I am right now,
reveals the monster I’ve always been…
in the sweet desireless past.
My innocence fades away with age,
But my oath between the grounds of God and man strengthens with youth’s meekly passion .

If I should be punish for letting my head run down,
Let it be for my only sins have become my only source of growth.
Laughter shrieks through this darkness of memories,
expressing the hunger of my soul.
Its hunger for truth heightens this fire’s wound,
Should I want for it?

Each color of reality comes to stain its mark on my picture;
All I have are my dwellings,
Dwellings that are enough to calm me, to despise the grounds of earth,to be locked up by my own sin,
And only through this I know,
Only I can set myself free.

I try to do what’s best,
but the world doesn’t seem to tell me the rest,
Only the sparrowing effects
This has shown my haunting home has raised me best.

My unspoken thoughts speak sarcastically through my spoken actions,
Which always leads me to the comfort,
Where hurting myself always seems to be the next best thing.

This sorrow has surfaced,
What other shallowness shall I fear?
The greater the pain felt,
The closer the glimpse I’ll have in knowing how strong my desires burn.
A daring mockery brings a reflection of what’s hidden.

No more settlimg for whats less,
I won’t walk through life being faceless,
This sorrow comes from all directions,
Traces itself only within thyself.

Broken reflections of what once shinned,
Awakens broken paths of the past,
Leading to unknown, unwritten, upcoming paths for sunset’s falsie destinations,
While overshadowing some shades of sanity’s hope

The deepness of past regrets only deepens on what is needed to be known,
The beginning of embracing the imperfection of love
is the beginning of embracing fruits of this imperfect world.
As I go on silently seizing hell’s reality,
while chasing heaven’s blind dream.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-11-24 07:38 PM

whoa, that was just deep. awesome write Lester. you had some -great- thoughts in that. it was long, but very worth the read. i enjoyed this very much, but i have one critique about it. i think it would read better if the lines were even. some of them were so long that they went to the next line. it's a great write, but it just didn't fit together nicely in structure. as well as some of the stanzas had three lines while others had four. maybe if they were all the same length, it would fit better. but still, this write is great as is. i can tell you put alot of thought behind this, plus it's a difficult subject to write about. good job lester.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

LesterVisaya
Junior Member

since 2002-11-16

Posts 21

2 posted 2002-11-24 11:32 PM

Thanks for the compliments,well I dont really consider myself a "real" poet,I just write whatever comes out freely so I dont pay that much atention on the exterior content like the stanza or 3 o 4 line or whatever,i just write about the interior content...I know I should work more on that area but lets just leave it like that for now...im young,im allowed to make mistakes..its how people evlove..
once again thanks.

[This message has been edited by LesterVisaya (11-24-2002 11:34 PM).]

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