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CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

0 posted 2002-11-23 04:37 PM

Before I start, I'd like to say I am still new at this and this is my first time posting a poem on a forum. Enjoy!

Your Being

Your eyes
  How simple yet so great
  With a simple glance
  I am swept away
  I wish i could stare forevermore
  Into your pools of blazing copper

Your Hands
  So strong, yet so gentle
  always there for a caring touch
  Or a playful punch
  How I loved to be caressed
  By your soft and nimble fingers

Your arms
  Strong and supportive
  Freely gives a friendly hug
  Or a loving embracce
  You can always hold me up
  You will never let me fall

Your Spirit
  So light and carefree
  always protecting me
  Like a guardian angel, that you are
  sent from the great heavens
  To guide our souls to destiny

I hope you respond and give me suggestions that I could use in the future, thanks for the time

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

1 posted 2002-11-23 04:50 PM

i really enjoyed how you explored the most crucial aspects of this person. the emotions ran very deep in this piece, and it was a very strong entrance into passions.

before long, you'll get used to posting in the forums. feel free to explore the whole site, there's so much more than just teen.

welcome to passions!!

can't wait to see more.

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now.

Lisa_bebe15
Member

since 2001-11-15

Posts 151
Florida

2 posted 2002-11-23 04:51 PM

That was very good. I can SO relate to your peice here..maybe u should read some of mine..I dont write much, cuz I can't write like normal poets..anyways..that was very nice for your first post..

"Water Over Matter"

lildevil
Junior Member

since 2002-11-21

Posts 47
missouri,usa

3 posted 2002-11-23 07:01 PM

i liked what you wrote i know every one say that they can so relate to what you wrote but i mean it

lildevil
Junior Member

since 2002-11-21

Posts 47
missouri,usa

4 posted 2002-11-23 08:50 PM

i really liked this poem i am in a realationship right now and what you wrote gets right to the piont i will probably show it to him latter

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

5 posted 2002-11-25 03:49 PM

CloudedDreams~
I really enjoyed reading this.
I like how you broke it down and elaborated
on specific characteristics...very nice.
Welcome to Passions!
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2002-11-25 10:34 PM

first of all..

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!

I like how you took each thing and said described what they meant to u and everything...i thought that was nice. Great format and im looking forward to reading more from you

Check your e-mail for a special greeting!

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

7 posted 2002-11-25 10:49 PM

Once again, Welcome! You will definitely get used to posting, its fun to see what people think of your poems.
Very good one to start off with. You showed very deep emotion in this and I loved it all!
Will definitely be looking forward to reading much more from you in the future.

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

8 posted 2002-11-26 08:27 AM

* smiles at critique message *

WELCOME TO PASSIONS

Great first post.....will write more later. I am leaving in abuot 2 min. once again welcome and great first post.

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

9 posted 2002-11-26 08:51 AM

Welcome to Passions! Great first post. I really enjoyed reading it and I can really relate to the meaning of the poem. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

-Jeanette-

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

10 posted 2002-11-26 04:10 PM

that was rippin. I enjoyed reading it, good descriptions (not sure if that is the word I'm looking for)

rxyfxy04
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 54
lil' town in Virginia

11 posted 2002-11-27 11:57 PM

(yes stinky, that is the word) i really like ur 1st poem.. im new here too. Welcome, good job!

RxyFxy04

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

12 posted 2002-12-16 12:00 PM

That was a truly beautiful poem, thank you for your reply to Frederick, this is the first of yours that I've read, since I've been gone on vacation

I haven't been around pip for a week or so. But I have to say I truly enjoyed your poem, it was a wonderful 1st post and I'll be looking for more of yours.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

13 posted 2002-12-16 04:35 AM

Intresting structure to the poem. I like the way you have offset the first line of every stanza/verse it makes it seem like each verse has its own title, which I hope was the effect you where looking for.

Excuse me while I find a women and drag her back to my cave....

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

LTEvans

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