Last night you told me (cont)

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branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

0 posted 2002-11-22 09:16 AM

Original Post /pip/Forum49/HTML/003797.html

Last night I looked and you were gone,
Leaving me all alone,
When I started to think,
I realized what a geek,
I thought I loved you but im only 17,
Last Night you told me it was a dream,
A dream indeed to a fool like you,
Tormenting my heart and leaving me blue,
Well friend ive got news for you
Last night I told you... Ive found someone new.

Everything changed from that momment on,
You wanted it back like nothing before.

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

1 posted 2002-11-22 08:16 PM

i really liked this
i liked the rhyming
~samantha~

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

2 posted 2002-11-22 09:26 PM

hey i really liked this like sam said the rhyming was great!And i felt that u really expressed urself good job!!

CATHy

[This message has been edited by foreverwithyou (11-22-2002 09:27 PM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-11-25 01:22 AM

Branden~
Hi there! It's great to see you posting again.
I enjoyed reading this piece and I hope you'll
stick around and post lots more.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-11-28 11:11 PM

** giggles at critique message ** LOL good poem

Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

5 posted 2002-11-29 12:56 PM

hey,that was nice and a little sad i think.its always sad when love... or something close to it, turns sour.keep posting!

Sweetiepie38
New Member

since 2002-11-28

Posts 5

6 posted 2002-12-01 09:46 PM

Hey Your poem was good....Ya a little sad but,you expressed your emotions so well. I hope to read more of your work.

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

7 posted 2002-12-02 08:43 PM

your poem was full of emotions that i know well. i made an exception for falling in love young though. maybe you can even if you get hurt. i did. your poem was great. hope to read more like it!
Meredith

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

8 posted 2002-12-02 11:50 PM

Wow, that was really good. dang. I really like the line, "last night I looked, and you were gone." Keep writing!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

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