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Teen Poetry #6
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k2tomtom21k
New Member
since 2002-11-18
Posts 9


0 posted 2002-11-20 08:30 PM


i'd really like to get some response and critiques


In the end…
10.29.02

imagine a world:
             W. and his army, and the Dems as well,
             Green party, Red Party, No Party-
             Died, vanished, disappeared,
Would we be lucky to inhabit such world?
After all, in the end, It’s just you, me
And the rest of humanity…..


- jimmy marble


and ps: is it against the law to use bad language in poems?  because i wrote one last night that i'm partial to, but i hesitate to post it due to some language that may or may not be appropriate


© Copyright 2002 Jimbo - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2002-11-20 09:03 PM


well from experience bad language is not really a good idea while posting because there are little eyes.
i dont know much about american govnt so i cant comment on that, but it seemed like an ad more then a poem. actually i read it over again and i liked your last few lines a great deal

Regina

[This message has been edited by Ina (11-20-2002 09:05 PM).]

k2tomtom21k
New Member
since 2002-11-18
Posts 9

2 posted 2002-11-20 11:53 PM


i'm just glad that you knew it was about the american government, half of my creative writing class had no idea what i was talking about in this poem.  THanks for the response, you're boss!  
love,
jimmy

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
3 posted 2002-11-25 12:28 PM



k2tomtom21k-
This is an interesting write...thought provoking.
I find it a bit unsettling that such a large percentage
of your creative writing class didn't realize
what the poem was about.
In case I haven't welcomed you yet...
Welcome to Passions.
I look forward to reading lots more from you.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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