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Teen Poetry #6
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Life?
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Life? |
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lil cherry Member
since 2002-10-02
Posts 86Ont, Can. 
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A black cloud has descended on me It’s veiled everything that is in my life No joy seems to appear around me Even the face of a smiling child seems to be missing something I walk around dazed, as if in a trance Viewing my life from an outsiders eyes I make all the movements Display all the emotions Say all the words But never really feel anything I know what should be going through me It is however merely not there Just missing, a void in need of filling The darkness begins to set in Starts to taint my soul Cloud my vision of the world even more I lose consciousness of my surroundings The people who are talking to me seem distant I don’t know what I am saying I know I am talking but I can’t hear my own words I slip into a hole, filled with strange colours I’m lost in my own mind Should I be scared, happy, sad or indifferent? My mind no longer has limits I can now travel to places within it I’ve never before imagined Into the dark corners never seen or used by my body My body, merely a vessel for the mind and soul I am now exploring It seemed to before slow me down or forbid me from doing things Now that I have escaped it I feel so free to experience everything imaginable As well as many things that are not I can see things that just don’t exist I can feel things not possible in this world Am I dead? Was I ever really alive? Did I just imagine a life? Or was I doomed to be trapped in a body to explore this world? And now have managed to escape Was everything around me a dream? All the faces mere images? All the situations made up? Was this my personal fairy tale? Do fairy tales even exist? Does anything exist? Am I dreaming? No, I can’t be, this is the most awake I have ever felt in my life My life, do I have a life? Do you have a life? Did I make you up too? Did I imagine a world full of pain to make myself feel better about myself? Did I imagine myself? Do I exist in my own mind or am I someone else’s creation? Is someone else inventing a world? Imagining lives and am I one of their puppets? No that can’t be this is the most in control I’ve ever felt I’ve escaped the barriers that used to be me Who am I? Do I even have a name? Are names just a waste of time created to confuse me? Time, does time exist? Or is it also something created to give the illusion of living? Is anyone truly living? Or are we all dying? Dying since the day we are born Did anything truly exist before I was born? Or is history another one of this world’s dark secrets? Are we even born? Or is that also something that I in my mind have made up? Do I have the power to have created an illusion this huge? Is size also something imagined to limit us? Can we truly measure what is around us? Or do we just believe that we have the knowledge to create as well as to destroy Is everything as it appears? It can’t be, I’m not as I used to appear I am free and limitless and full of endless possibilities I could be the creator of everything that surrounds my mortal body All that my mortal eyes are taking in could be my creation Earth, this world, could be my own personal playground Still a canvas with many blanks for me to fill in More things for me to be able experience and to see Can I even experience or see? Or are those also things invented to try and convey what our minds are capable of Do we even have minds or are they also an illusion? Is this just one big story on some celestial shelf? Am I merely a character to be moved about and played with? If so, is this a sad story, a happy one or a completely pointless one? Is someone else having fun seeing how many situations they can place me in And see how I react to what is around me Or is everything completely simple and straight cut? We are born, we live, we reproduce and we die. No strings attached, nothing to think about, that’s just the way things are. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
woo that was long.  you brought up several great aspects involving life in there. I really enjoyed it. hmm to me, it started out strong, but in the middle it kind of slacked off just a tad, then picked up its strength again at the end. -loved- the ending btw... and this part especially:quote: just a suggestion.. i would break it up a bit into stanzas or just seperate it here and there in some way. it being bunched up and that long kind of bugged me. but thats just me. also, how some of the lines were longer than the others. maybe you could reword a bit and make it flow a bit better. but still, i enjoyed this read. thought you wrote it well considering the subject line. keep writing and posting.-tiff- “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
wow....wow wow wow....this was truely incredible...i absolutely loved it!! I felt this way for years...you put my emotions into such amazing words...i really enjoyed this piece and could relate to it incredibly. Thanks for sharing! Standing on the edge of the world |
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