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Teen Poetry #6
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old poem.
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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old poem. |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
still and silent limp deserted stare i love you and i always will- tired of staring at this wall i'd jump if i knew i wouldn't fall agitated and quite the thoughts in my head just don't seem to fit and she'll smoothe her hair put on her make up but this is just some (edited by moderator) act she's dying inside thats why she says the things that she says. she'll realize soon enough- her hearts on display she'll carve the words deep in this empty emotion of weakness don't speak for a few minutes shocked, you can hear the phone drop didn't you just say stay? she can't hear, she's silently screaming dripping tears of silver blood of gold and just for the price of someone to hold- the deception is too deep to pull her through. "if i was not so weak if i was not so cold if i was not so scared of being b r o k e n growing old i would be i would be f r a i l." ((jars of clay)) [This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-15-2002 03:02 AM).] |
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Darkness Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies. |
I really liked this. It was really cool. I liked the scattered rhyme scheme it rhymed in places it needed to have more power. The end was just amazing no other words for it. Awesome job indeed!  Darkness |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
No dis here...  I like your critique message. It's weird but I'm really connecting with your style and what you're saying..not just in this poem but in your others as well...so..keep on posting. Couple spelling issues here and there, but they don't matter..much, anyways  Oh and..I love that song!  I'm not sure if you meant it to be a signature or part of your poem, but if it's supposed to go with the poem I'm just a bit concerned about the copyright stuff. Anyways! Keep writing. ~Carly "My own eyes are not enough for me; I will see through a thousand and yet remain myself..." |
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