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Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

0 posted 2002-11-12 09:33 PM

Smiling at you,
Is a girl who gave up.
Gave in to the people who never had faith in her.
She doesn’t deserve all the pain,
That she had to go through.
On the outside you see a happy girl,
Although the person on the inside wants to get out and make them pay.
Plotting revenge,
She takes in all the things those boys call her.
There are only two guys,
That actually understand who she really is.
Yes they appreciate her,
But are they the only ones?
She grew up,
Surrounded by love and then it turned to hate in less then a second.
Her sister that should understand her,
Doesn’t at all…
Instead she just calls her a hoe.
She wants to tell someone,
But everywhere she turns she loses reason to trust.
Does this make her see happiness in her future,
No Way!
She sees people,
Treating her like she’s worthless.
She wants to find a place to hide,
But she never stays there for long.
She always feels like she lost something,
Correct she is…
She lost something,
She lost her love and respect for herself.
She rushes to a dark corner in her room,
She hopes she won’t feel ashamed in there.
She needs someone to run to,
Someone who has a shoulder meant for her to cry upon.
She has found that person,
He cares for her.
But does she realize that he cares a lot?
Not in time,
She ends up lost,
Into the world of darkness.
She disappears right in front of you…
Now how does that make you feel?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes everyone...I must admit that the just blows...
Yes I need major help...
Scary that i actually wrote this...
I hate this...But I need your opinion...
YES ALEX AND RIMMA THIS DOES SUCK!
...And Brain...I know you know that this sucks...
I know you want to smile...
Because you too realize that this sucks and it is the worst thing EVER!

Hope that will return one day,
Will be the cause of my sanity.
Until then I will be,
A lost soul looking for a place to rest.

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

1 posted 2002-11-12 09:45 PM

I don't hate your writing! Not by a long shot. You have expressed something that many people feel, loneliness, very simplistically yet very effectively. Life doesnt rhyme. Life isnt structured. Your poem reflects this, which adds to its power. I think. I'm not often in the Teen Forum, only got half a year left of being one.lol.But I'm glad I got to read this one. I hope you will find strength by loving yourself no matter what others think of you. I learned that the hard way. I have nattered on enough now. But if u ever feel like talking, my MSN messenger name is the same as my email. Feel free anytime. And remember you are never really completely alone, there is always someone who cares.
Luv, Liz xx
PS Excuse this for being such a long, rambling reply...lol.

[This message has been edited by ESP (11-12-2002 09:46 PM).]

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-11-12 10:06 PM

*hugs* it wasn't horrible... I've written worse

I am a Knight who says Ni!

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

3 posted 2002-11-12 10:11 PM

i will not comment on the form or language; this is far too personal to be critiqued in that manner.

its is sad that someone would reach such a point. i know you don't know me, but if you need to vent or whatever drop me a note.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

[This message has been edited by majnu (11-12-2002 10:11 PM).]

jennilynn
Junior Member

since 2002-11-11

Posts 29
here with me

4 posted 2002-11-12 10:15 PM

Personally I like it. I can really realate to it.
~Jen~

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

5 posted 2002-11-13 08:55 AM

I definately don't think that this poem sucks. I have only read one of your other poems, but I think that this was a good poem. A lot of poeple go through that sort of thing and I think that you have expressed sorrow very well in this poem. Don't underestimate yourself.
-Jeanette-

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

6 posted 2002-11-14 01:52 PM

None of your poems will ever suck. You know why? Because you write from your heart and you write what your feeling and don't bottle it up inside. Thats good. Writing has helped me in more ways than I can count. Yeah and if you ever... EVER need someone to talk to just e-mail me. I will get back to you when I can.(My computer sucks.)

You have stories to tell and emotion to go along with them.

Thats what makes you unique and a great poet.

(final note) good poem.

Darkness

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