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Trouble Breathing
Member

since 2002-11-12

Posts 63

0 posted 2002-11-12 12:57 PM

Ashes for Ashes,
Blood for lust,
I mourn for your touch
And I know
That one-day we will be one
But what will become
When all is said and done?
The days that turn to gray
And the nights that turn to dust
But today just doesn’t seem the same
And you know
That you’re my one and only burning flame

what do you think of it? good, or does it need a little work? Also, I have no name for it yet, so any suggestions would be appreciated.

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2002-11-12 01:33 PM

Good poem. I really really like the
"Ashes to Ashes
Blood for lust."
part.

Keep writing

Darkness

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

2 posted 2002-11-12 01:41 PM

Trouble, Welcome to Passions. Please check your e-mail for a special greeting.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2002-11-13 09:56 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!

As one of your forum moderators, I'd like to welcome you to Passions for Poetry. Hope you enjoy this site as much as we all already do. It's really fun and at the same time a learning experience. Enjoy, happy posting and reading at the same time.

it's got real good potential
I would've loved to see you add more to it
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2002-11-14 04:22 PM

Trouble Breathing~
Welcome to Passions.
I really enjoyed this first post,
and I hope to see lots more from you.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

5 posted 2002-11-15 01:44 AM

Welcome to passions! Great first post! I really enjoyed the line...."That your my one and only burning flame" I am excited to read more of your work....good job

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

6 posted 2002-11-15 11:40 AM

welcome to passions!!

good write and thanks for sharing.

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now.

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

7 posted 2002-11-15 11:04 PM

HI!!!!

WELCOME TO PASSIONS

I really love this poem. I was shocked to see it was a first post poem! You did a beautiful job!!!! My favorite lines would have to be   "Ashes for Ashes,
              Blood for lust,
              I mourn for your touch" What wonderful wording!!! Way to take it in strong from the beginning! I hope to see much much more of you here!!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

8 posted 2002-11-15 11:42 PM

"I mourn for your touch
And I know
That one-day we will be one
But what will become
When all is said and done?
The days that turn to gray
And the nights that turn to dust
But today just doesn’t seem the same"

Hi, welcome!!

I really enjoyed this, but I definately think you could maybe make it a little longer? Either way, it's great

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

9 posted 2002-11-16 10:05 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS IN POETRY

I hope you have fun sharing, replying, reading etc. here with all of us.

Good first post.....

Ri

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

10 posted 2002-11-16 02:03 PM

very cool first.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

11 posted 2002-11-16 06:02 PM

I'm not much for titles, so you don't want to hear from me. I thought this was good, but you could add more and I also felt that it started out great then led off, but thats just me. Good first one though.
Well, I hope to see some more from you soon and also that you find what you are looking for here, I'm sure you will.
Welcome!

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

12 posted 2002-11-17 12:05 PM

WOW!!!!!!!
I am astonished! and you say that this is your first post??? Incredible.
I love this poem. I wish I made it. But then we'd both have it, and that would be sad

you are really good.
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!
email me sometime, i have we'd get along very well!!

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