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CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

0 posted 2002-11-11 10:00 PM

This is a different style for me...  I'm not sure if I like it or not, but I figured I can't really say anything about it until I've tried writing in it myself, so here it is.  Let me know what you think.  -tongue-

UNTITLED

Thoughts
          t
            r
              a
               i
                l
                        off
Off into a place of uncertainty
A place where the mind and soul are
T     R    A   P    P    E    D
Within the same space
Unable to coexist
  Unable to express
     Unable to tell how they feel
  The mind overpowers the soul
What we know
     B  L  O  C  K  S
            What we feel inside

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

[This message has been edited by CwboyAtHeart (11-11-2002 11:50 PM).]

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2002-11-12 01:44 PM

I really liked this one. I really liked how the poem itself was like a picture that told it for me. Very clever.

Thanks for the read...

Darkness

rimmie
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 45
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

2 posted 2002-11-12 06:28 PM

I really liked this one! I thought the stile worked well with this poem and that u did a good job adapting to it!!!

Great Job!!!

~RuZ~

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-11-12 06:50 PM

I like how this one went, other than the words that were capitalized... the trailing word was awesome

How do YOU like it? That's the main thing Cody

I am a Knight who says Ni!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-11-13 04:39 PM

I don't know if the style was really appropriate to the content of the poem, actually. I think you should reconsider some of the things, like the extension of the word "trapped." What is your intent with doing that to the word? What kind of response are you trying to get from the reader?

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

5 posted 2002-11-14 04:19 PM

Cody~
I enjoyed this and I commend you for being
willing to experiment with formats that are
unfamiliar to you. It's always fun to learn
new styles and techniques in our poetry.
I'm glad you shared this one.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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