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Teen Poetry #6
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devinechild22
Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571


0 posted 2002-11-11 06:42 PM



She dances among the stars
Her blanket is the blck sky
Her hair flowing as the Milky Way
She kicks a rock from Jupiter
It is picked up by the Earths gravity
She giggles at the explosion
She lives on Venus all alone
Her life may be envied by many
She has never known love
Her beauty will never be shared with others
Except those of us
Who will never touch her


© Copyright 2002 Allison Colgrove - All Rights Reserved
Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A
1 posted 2002-11-11 07:09 PM


I really enjoyed it.I think many can relate to the part about she has never known love. I mean yeah you can be the most popular person in school but that doesnt mean much to you if you want to start a relationship. Anyway good write.
majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
2 posted 2002-11-11 08:38 PM


the way you take a used image like blanket of black sky and milky way hair, and then use that to show that beauty is irrelevant if unappreciated is great.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439
I am everywhere
3 posted 2002-11-11 08:55 PM


And you leave me swept among the stars...
lol.
Great write.. i like the ending.. how it's all
"to those of us how can never touch her"
or whatever lol..  i cant remember.

ew ew ew ew... so i was watching "se7en" right... (again-with aaron) and this guy was reading something out of this other guys journal and it said "today on the subway i was talking to a Man.. bah blahs blah blah, and i hardly realized ti until he looked disgusted.. i had puked all over him- and i couldn't stop laughing"
lol.. i donno- it was weirdish funny.
Yea.. Great write ... we are aliens, we're all aliens, in disguise.
Jon's my buddy, yo! and Aaron's mad at both of us.
lol
c u tomorrow!!

~sara

(sorry about the whole.. not being able to shut up)

"It's something I have to do..I was there too..before everything else..I was like you.."
!nin!
.the.fragile.

foreverwithyou
Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204
Wonderland
4 posted 2002-11-11 10:39 PM


heehee i liked this one i have alwayz been interested in space and stuff lol anywayz gues who burped at me today!!john tonkavich!!(hopefully soon it will be this )JJ!!!!! he was walkin down the hall comin back from FCS and i was at my locker and he burped at me !!!heeheeehee it was awesome.like it man bals ska dot

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

Alone Afraid n' Away
Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 19

5 posted 2002-11-12 05:22 PM


This one was really good allison hope youpost another soon!
devinechild22
Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571

6 posted 2002-11-12 06:12 PM


Cathy-I hit his butt..HEHEHEHEHEHE!
Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
7 posted 2002-11-12 09:46 PM


I like the imagery that you've used here

I am a Knight who says Ni!

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
8 posted 2002-11-13 04:48 PM


I like this piece, it actually has a lot of depth compared to what I'm used to reading from you.  You kept it kind of vague, so the mystery wasn't all ruined.

Anyways... OMG guess what happened... this really CUTE guy from my school talked to me today!  OMG OMG OMG!!  What am I gonna do??? LOL... and anyways, I HATE having to use certain forks all the time... we need like a swiss army fork or something... OMG HES COMING AGAIN... gtg!

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

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