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Teen Poetry #6
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Only Happy When It Rains (Newly Revised)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Only Happy When It Rains (Newly Revised) |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Tears streaking down. It's too hard to be happy and she's too miserable to try again. Cause of misery unknown, infinite times of pain and courage gone she tries carelessly to win back whatever it was she lost what was washed away with the rain. Distant sounds of laughter strike her heart light lightning echoing in her mind crazy crashing like thunder. she wants to dance in the rain. Raincoat hangs in the corner, dry and cracking like the ground yearning for a drop of water to tease it's lips and quench it's thirst. Barren and desolate like a desert, she sits on the floor watches him walk away from her again, stuck in the carpet quicksand sticky mess of broken hearts and broken promises. She tries to follow him out the door; tries to convince them that she won't melt she's only happy when it rains but they won't let her leave with him they won't let her love him they restrict her every word, her every touch, every feeling it's all lost she can't seem to find a voice to speak those simple words she whispers when no one else is around when the rain is pouring outside and she clutches her teddy bear and remembers that he said when she was afraid she could cling to him instead. "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo [This message has been edited by Allysa (11-12-2002 06:52 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
still improving i see i kinda just didn't like the spacing of the lines hope to see more from you Nitsuj thanks for the wonderful read là où est mon amour? |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
yea, i agree, i didnt really like the spacing so much, but nonetheless, i liked it. nice job.  What You Can't Have- You Can't Resist |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I personally enjoyed the Garbage song of the same title better. The spacing does not work. Casey [This message has been edited by clve527 (11-11-2002 06:47 PM).] |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree, actually. I reread this and didn't like it, so I fixed. Hopefully the spacing works better, and the stuff I added might make it better also, I dunno. later dudes!  "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I really enjoyed this Allysa. It doesn't matter if I didn't see the spacing before you fixed it, I'll just say I love this, as usual... hehe... I was really drawn by some specific images in the poem. I really like the comparison between the dry earth and the raincoat. Those two concepts really compliment each other. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks Brian, I actually like the second spacing better than the first... the first was just boring and not helpful, just me spacing out my thoughts and such, when I fixed the spacing, I revised it. Anyway, got to go, I'm at the library. Later dudes. "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo |
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