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Teen Poetry #6
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one tragic night
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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one tragic night |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
the phone rang it was their son, he hadnt had very much fun he's in the emergency room surrounded by doom he goes outside and kicks the dirt, knowing that his friend is badly hurt he trys to wash the memory away but with him it shall always stay his parents arrive, it's quarter to five and his friend lay there barely alive for how long could he possibly survive? it all came back, the car, the crash, as the news came, only himself he could blame his friend was dead, internal bleeding in the head (i hope this isnt gonna get taken off, i dont mean for it to be bad enough so that they take it off it is just a phone rang and i was all alone and cold so this came to mind) "sometimes i just feel like |
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| © Copyright 2002 samantha rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
death sux, man... i donno if u remember or not... but stupid mocho mike, joey, max, and.......someone else (lol..oops) were all gonna go over to berriger, or whever and get them selves shot with that gang of peeps with guns!! I mean- they're all 13! It's insane... yea-- well- NE way.. i liked this- it's weird of what you can think about when you're alone in the cold... no wonder i think too much! lol keep posting.  |
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Alone Afraid n' Away Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 19 |
SAM this poem was really good, not one of yourbest but its not like alot of people that write every poem practically the same.. You really thought outside the box! Good job MAN!!!! Amanda is the kewlest!! Goin ta see 8 mile Thanksgiving weekend! |
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Alone Afraid n' Away Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 19 |
IT was really deep man really deep |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
jeez oh petez sam !!!!(lmao member when i "pulled big pete out my arm pit")that was hilarious.anywayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz this one was awesome sam it was awesome  and the maid thinkz so too lolAMANDA IS THE KEWLEST EVER!!!!8 mile comin up!!!  "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Wow, this was sad, but really good. nice job.  You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a really powerful piece... it is quite sad, but maybe it'll make us all think about where risk-taking can lead. Great work! Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
dinky~ This is a very powerfully written piece. You did a great job of conveying a very serious message. Nicely done.  ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Sam this was sooo good. It made me want to cry!  I had one of my poems deleted once..and I dont evn have a copy of it..It made me mad..  But o well..NEway. this was sooo awesome! Cathy I remember when you pulled big Pete out of your arpit!  that was scary! LOL*Allison* |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
By the looks of these replies it seems like the old spirit of Teen Poetry might be coming back? Hmm... Anyways, Dinky... I like the piece, but your ending is too abrupt. You should try and make an ending that makes the reader sit back and look at the poem as a whole, instead of an ending that just adds to the poem's content. Just my opinion. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Who is Big Pete!? |
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