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Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

0 posted 2002-11-10 01:22 PM

Skydiving without a parachute,
Who ever said that birds are free,
I tried to fly but they clipped my wings
"Stay on the ground, where you are safe
and keep your head out of the clouds,"
Stranded in a desert
Without water,
Thought I could fly again,
But the desert sands fogged my eyes,
The wind blew me away.
Caught in a whirlpool,
too bad that birds can't swim.
Bad enough that we can't fly.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2002-11-10 01:31 PM

Liz,
You look so sad in ur piccy. Smile otay.Talk more about this over e-mails. Glad to see you posting in teen. It is awesome. Good poem too. Almost fordot about that. Well anywherez, I gotz ta roll. Good job. See you around.

Ri

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

2 posted 2002-11-10 01:36 PM

I know, I am ssooo not photogenic. or however you spell it. Can't seem to take a good picture.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-11-10 01:37 PM

LOL, but thats ok,

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-11-13 04:33 PM

Hah, I think it's a cute picture... makes you look like a king who's become bored of his jester. Heh...

Anyhow, I like the poem... especially the cynical tone of the ending. Very nice work, your majesty.

Hope to see you more in Teen.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

5 posted 2002-11-13 06:30 PM

The punctuation leaves much to be desired. The topic is fairly cliche. I think you could work on this and shy away from the clicheness of it.

Casey

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

6 posted 2002-11-13 07:23 PM

your majesty, hehe Brian

..talk bout funny. ok

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-11-14 04:25 PM

Wind~
I REALLY love this!
This is a very well written piece and I just
love the whole 'idea' of it.
I tried to pick out a favorite line or two,
but I can't...I LOVE the WHOLE thing.
I'm so glad you shared this here and I hope
to see lots more of you in Teen.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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