"Game in Blue" (Challenge #2)

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Teen Poetry #6

"Game in Blue" (Challenge #2)

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2002-11-09 04:07 PM

Crooked smiles joined with laughter
Hung up high for all to see
Amid the sounds of shame, come after
Sighs of blushing…bittersweet.
Instant longings for a waiter
Never granted, never known
Greet the sun with heartless favor

Rain as all, as all have shown,
Among the peasants, lords and fools.
Incandescent lights for you.
Nothing but a game in blue.

* * * * *
Ugh...x_X How I hate my muse. C is an evil hideous letter to start with. I've ruined my own screenname. Ahh...the freshness of humiliation. ^_^; I'll live.

Leah

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-11-09 11:36 PM

OI! Don't hate your muse - it's a good little friend to have.

Can I be honest? While it is well writen I feel that having to write within such a constricted format, it didn't have the same appeal of your other pieces. I do like the last line though. How adequate.

~AF~

Don't steal - the Government hates competition.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-11-10 01:34 AM

You did this rather well, Leah. I like the format that you chose, how you worked it so easily into the challenge criteria. The interlocking rhyme was very effective.

The way you chose to end it worked out very nicely, and I did enjoy this a great deal.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-11-11 04:28 PM

Leah~
I really like this a lot.
I love the way you actually stuck to a rhyme scheme
thoughout. That's often difficult to do with this style.
Very nicely done, and challenge well met!
Hope to see you on the next one.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

4 posted 2002-11-23 02:22 AM

And now to my other favorite from so long ago, you. I liked this but I have to agree with anonymousfemale in that this was not one of your better pieces. I guess that's a compliment in a way since I still liked this one quite a bit.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

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